Catholic Dating After Divorce – Signs That The Time May Be Right

A Catholic Guide to Dating After DivorceDating soon after divorce or annulment or getting into a relationship too soon after my husband left suddenly would not have been  right, but I did enjoy getting on some of those dating sites, especially the faith-based sites. Just as there are those who criticize me for not dating sooner, there are those who might criticize me for getting on those dating sites too quickly, but in many ways, reading the forums, scanning the message boards and reaching out to others gave me hope, but it also provided temptation before I was strong enough, before I was ready. I backed off and waited for a sign, something to help me understand that I was ready to date again after my divorce and annulment. That was about two years ago.

The signs arrived over the course of about 10 months beginning with our annulment being finalized (which is very important to me since I definitely would want to be married in the Catholic church, a marriage that would be for real this time – still a confusing concept!). I got a teaching job. My house was more respectable than it had been (although with 5 boys, I don’t know that it will ever be as tidy as I’d wish it to be! lol). I’d gotten a new (used) car that I was happy with and proud of.

In one way or another, I’d replaced most of the furniture my husband and I shared. I realized that if he walked into our house now, he would have a hard time identifying anything that was “his.” Without the pictures of the boys, he would not even realize this was our house. What was more important was that I had pretty much undergone the same type of transformation. There was very little of the me I used to be left behind. He didn’t know or understand me six years ago when he left, but he really didn’t know or understand me now. I was no longer his, and I was thankful for that.

Before, I also had no time to date because every moment had been taken up by my children, which was as it should have been, but now, things were changing. I’d be Troy had graduated high school, and I’d be dropping him off at college in that new car too soon. Kaleb was almost six and had completed a year of kindergarten (How does time go by so quickly?!?!), and my ex had filed for partial custody.

I wanted to hold onto those children. I didn’t want to drop Troy off at college. I didn’t want to think about Matt, George, or Noah leaving too quickly after. I didn’t want to think about Kaleb growing up so fast. I didn’t want to think about my ex and the other woman “playing house,” as someone once put it, with my boys, but there was little I could do about any of it. The court system is not about justice. Justice, discovery of right and wrong, is not an issue. The court system uses lies like, “maintain the same quality of life,” and the worst lie ever, “do what is best for the children.”

But that is another topic and beside the point…if the court system decided the children should go with their father more often, it would give me a chance to get a life of my own – something I was secretly looking forward to. Perhaps dating after divorce and annulment would be part of that new life.

The final push into the dating world came in an email I received from out of the blue on Single Mom Smiling. The letter was from Brenna Schleuber, an editor at Ava Maria Press. Ms. Schleuber asked me to review Lisa Duffy’s new book, The Catholic Guide to Dating after Divorce. I am a big believer in researching and studying what works for others, and I don’t believe in coincidences so this seemed like the final sign I was waiting for.

It’s been over six years since my husband left. Things seem to be falling into place a bit for me, and dating after divorce seems to be the next logical step, something I’m cautiously optimistic about dipping my toes into – slowly, very slowly. I also know it would be a brave and patient man who would even consider dating me. I have scars and imperfections (too many and too humiliating to list in their entirety here) and I’ve put a lot out here on Single Mom Smiling with the hope that it helps others but also with the full realization that it will scare off many men. That’s okay. I stayed true to my belief, and whether I ever marry again or even date anyone ever again, I hope to always do what I believe is right and let God handle the outcome. I want a man who is also true to his beliefs, but who is also willing to learn and grow and change as I hope to also learn and grow and change. I’ll wait for that man.

All the pieces that I would have wanted in place before dating after divorce and annulment seem to fit right now. It may be years, decades, or never before I find the right person, the one God intended me to be with, the one who makes my heart flutter, the one who I smile secret smiles with, the one who…It was time for me to begin putting an effort into something outside of my job and my children. My children would continue to be first for a while, but it was time for me to take some risks for myself too. The Bible tells us to guard our hearts, not to keep them locked away. I am not jumping into anything. I will enter things slowly, cautiously, guardedly, with a better understanding of the fragility of the human heart (both mine and that of any man I meet), but it is time to open my heart and mind to possibilities. It is time…

Over the next few weeks, I will reviewing Lisa Duffy’s book The Catholic Guide to Dating After Divorce. I hope you join me and add to or begin conversations here. Even more importantly, I hope you pray for all the men and women, Catholics and others entering the world of dating after divorce and annulment.

God Bless…

Catholic Dating After Divorce & Annulment – Is The Time Right?

Pink Grouped Flower - Catholic Dating Divorce Annulment Time Right?Catholic dating after divorce and annulment.

Even the thought of dating after a divorce or annulment is enough to cause shudders in the lives of those who understand what that truly means, and yet there comes a time in the lives of most divorced Catholics to ask whether or nit to begin dating again. Pressure from society, even from loving, well-meaning friends and family, often encourages the divorced to begin dating quickly after divorce. Conversations at gatherings often begin with, “Are you seeing anyone?” followed by disappointed encouragement, “You will.”

Dating after divorce presents challenges beyond even those adolescents face. Aging does not mean you’ve outgrown awkward, shy, what-do-we-talk-about moments. It does not mean you automatically know when the time is right to reach over and hold hands or to ask for that first kiss. To complicate matters further, previous marriage and past sexual activity presents obstacles for a partner who no longer sees value in being chaste outside of marriage.

Post divorce dating can involve long distances and possibilities of combining two complete households. Relocating means finding a new job in a new town far away. For many who have been hurt by divorce, dating presents understandable challenges to trust, “What if I give up my home, my job, my family, friends, town that I love…and he leaves too?” What if I’m not good enough again?” 

Beyond that, children are often thrown in the mix presenting more important considerations than any that revolve around two adults. How will your children accept your beau and sharing Mom’s time? How will your beau accept your children and sharing your time? How will children interact with potential step-siblings? Even if the single Mom is ready to begin dating, she should question whether her children are ready for her to begin dating. She should also wait to introduce a date until she is very sure of him and he of her. The single Mom must put her children ahead of her desire for dating at least for some time. She cannot forget that those precious children have also been scarred by divorce or that their wounds run deep below the surface. They must be treasured, protected, and Loved, sacrificed for.

Despite the risks involved and the opening oneself (and one’s children) up for more potential heartbreak, most divorced and annulled do think of dating again, and I am no exception. I remember my ex telling me that I’d find someone quickly. I remember looking down at my extended belly. I remember seeing my children in all their boyish glory (that is sometimes not so glorious!) and thinking, “Are you kidding???”

Over the months, I thought about what he had said and realized the truth there. I could date quickly if I wanted to, but I didn’t. I didn’t want the kind of man who would date a pregnant woman, a woman who had a chance to work things out with her husband. I didn’t want to date just anyone. He was right. I probably could find someone to date quickly if I wanted, but I didn’t want that. It wasn’t just about not being with the right guy either. Some of it was about me.

I had settled before. I had let my fears and my doubts and my insecurities get the better of me, and I didn’t want that again. I needed to wait and build my life and the lives of my children before dating. I have to admit, I did get on some of those dating sites out there, Catholic, Christian. I even poked around a bit on some non-religious dating sites. I met one person on a Catholic site but discovered he was Catholic in name only and not someone I wanted to spend time with. I also knew at that time that I was making foolish decisions and sliding back to my former pre-married selfish insecurities. That was about two years ago. I had been separated/divorced from my husband for about four years, and many people were telling me to jump back in to the dating scene, but I wasn’t ready. Fortunately, God gave me the Wisdom to pull back. While I continued to check forums, read message boards, and even contact people occasionally, I wasn’t truly interested in dating. I had to get myself and my boys on the right path first. I needed time to adapt, organize, grow, plan, pray, breathe.

I just needed time to breath on my own.

Too often loneliness and insecurity drives divorced Catholic, Christians, and people of many faiths to reach out and begin dating before being ready. After a divorce, especially a sudden or unwanted divorce, you need time to re-create who  you are and what you will become. It is a time for exploring personal growth, job opportunities, a change in housing, and a shift of friendships. It is a time for strengthening yourself, your children, and a few truly meaningful family and friend relationships.

As much as one may want to jump into a new relationship and as eligible and wonderful as many potential  dates may be, it is good to take some time between the break-up of your marriage and the blossoming of a new relationship. Give your heart time to heal, your mind time to adjust, and your body time to get physically strong. Give your children time to get used to having dad gone before looking like you are trying to replace him. No one wants to think the next relationship will not work out, but divorce statistics for second marriages are even higher than those for first marriages.

Entering the dating field at a slow and steady pace may just be the best deterrent from finding yourself in the same position you were in during your first marriage at a later date.

God Bless…

Nam’s Story

Single Mom Smiling Shares Similar Stories - Tiger LilyToo often and for many different reasons, women seek attention and love from those unworthy of their attention and love rather than waiting for the one God intended for them. When a stressor, such as a surprise pregnancy, enters the relationship the individual shows his true colors, leaving the woman to deal with the pregnancy alone in the way no real Man would.

This is what happened to Nam who contacted me and asked for her story to be shared on Single Mom Smiling. I think Nam says it best when she says, “He thought we were separate entities.” A woman and her baby are intimately connected. Choosing Life brings Life to both mother and child. I only heard from Nam this one time but am hoping and praying both Nam and her baby are doing well today.

I found out I was pregnant at 7 weeks. It was unplanned and my partner had said he wanted to keep it. I felt a connection to the baby and had made the necessary changes to keep it healthy and happy. My partner on the other hand felt that he did not need to make any necessary changes. He felt that what he did to me would not affect our child. He felt that pregnancy was something easy. He left me at home pregnant to go out and drink. He would not show up at home nor call for days. He constantly abondoned me and felt he didn’t need to make any sacrifices and that he was justified in leaving me at home to deal with everything. He didn’t believe in the fact that I have hormones nor in the fact that if I’m unhappy the child would be unhappy as well. He thought we were separate entities. I constantly told him how I felt and how wrong it was and he decided he would rather not deal it and would leave me and the baby because he was “tired” of having to hear me.

Nam, you cannot make this man do the right thing by you and your child, but I am so proud of you for doing the right thing. Your child is counting on you. You CAN do this! Keep up the good work and please reach out again. You are Loved and prayed for.

Nam, I pray that God Will Bless You & Your Child…

Would Planned Parenthood Sell Your Baby’s Body Parts?

Single Mom Sonogram

This is my son…

How would I describe finding out I was pregnant and alone after my husband left suddenly? Frightened, alone, confused, hurt, incapable, unqualified,…So many scary adjectives. I get it. How could a man leave a woman who is pregnant? How could a man leave his wife for another woman? This would be our 5th little boy. I was a part-time youth minister. How could I raise five boys alone?

I get it! Being pregnant and alone is no easy path. It’s frightening and hard and confusing beyond what most people can imagine. I was 39 when my ex left, but I was not immune to the whispers as I walked into church, the stares as I walked down grocery store aisles, the questions from the well meaning, the curious, and the look-down-their-noses. Being older didn’t make me less susceptible to feeling like a self-conscious teen. Some even criticized me for getting pregnant at my age and after having so many children already.

I get it!

Being pregnant and alone opens up a woman to all sorts of attacks. She questions her self-worth. Her ex has walked out, letting her know with or without words that she is not worth his time. She questions her ability to make decisions. After all, she was the one who decided to be with the baby’s father in the first place. She runs numbers through her head. How many diapers must a baby use, how many hours of sleep would be given up, how much money would giving birth cost?

The boys and me hours after Kaleb's birth

I had sole responsibility for all these little ones. I wondered how I’d ever manage.

What she may not realize is that Planned Parenthood is also questioning, is also running numbers through its books. How much of your hard earned tax money would it receive, how many more women (not babies) would be “served,” and now we find out Planned Parenthood is also asking, “How much are your baby’s body parts worth? “How much could we get for your baby’s heart, lungs, liver, etc.”

Which is kind of strange because when you walk into that abortion clinic, you are told that growing lump in your belly is just that, a lump, a lump of cells. It’s not human. It’s not viable. It has no value.

And yet, Planned Parenthood is crunching numbers, placing value on each baby’s body parts. What is the going rate for selling your baby’s body parts?What is the going rate for your baby’s heart? What is the going rate for selling a piece of yourself?

Whatever the going rate, it is not worth it. Almost six years after giving birth to my little boy, I can promise you, the life of your unborn child is priceless. Give that little heart a chance to beat for you and see if your heart doesn’t find itself beating for your baby as well! This scary time doesn’t last forever. You will be okay if you choose life. Your Baby will not be okay if you choose abortion.

Screen Shot 2014-05-11 at 1.41.00 AM

The fear of being pregnant and alone is just a memory. Now, we have so much fun together!

A lump of cells is what is removed in liposuction, and yet, that lump of cells does not demand the price of an unborn child’s lungs. The lump sucked from excess belly fat cannot hope to be held in your arms while taking its first breath the way the lungs of your unborn child hope to.

Why do the organs of unborn children demand a high price? If that lump of cells is not truly human, why is it worth more than a puppy’s organs? Why not slice open a kitten and take out its beating heart? The images are abhorrent. We wouldn’t do this because it is disgusting and wrong. Whether the butchering takes place in front of us or behind a sterile curtain where we cannot hear the cry of the creature, we know it is wrong, and yet, Planned Parenthood is okay harvesting your child’s organs for profit behind a closed door, in a sealed womb where we cannot hear the cry of the infant. Is a Baby not worth more than a puppy or a kitten? Planned Parenthood sees the value only in salable parts of the Baby, not in the Life of the Baby.

Is Planned Parenthood is giving you all the facts? Is Planned Parenthood rubbing its greedy little hands together as you cry in indecision or tremble in fear? Does Planned Parenthood have a vested interest in directing your decision, in subtly pushing you to have that abortion? Does Planned Parenthood have a back ally deal that involves your baby’s healthy heart?

And you know that secret sale must mean your Baby has a healthy, beating, beautiful heart. People don’t pay for damaged organs. They say your baby is just a lump of tissue, but that heart? That heart is perfect and fetches a nice sum for the abortionist. What kind of “doctor” sells your baby’s heart and denies it has taken your child’s life?

Kaleb asleep in church

My heart now beats for this little one.

Being pregnant and alone is more terrifying and painful than most people can understand. You counted on your Baby’s father to be with you forever, and now you have a choice – him or the Baby or maybe he’s just gone Baby or no. I get it! Trust me. I get it, but no man is worth your Baby’s life. Abortion is not a way to get a man back. What kind of man would he be then anyway. Abortion may mean you are selling your Baby’s body parts to Planned Parenthood. One day, you may realize you have sold a piece of yourself as well.

If you or someone you know is struggling with a surprise pregnancy, please reach out to a local pro-life church or group or contact me using the contact form at Single Mom Smiling. God is Good. He has a plan for you and for your child and it does not involve the sale of a piece of either of you.

This little one is truly a gift to all who know him! Thank you Lord for helping me choose Life!

This little one is truly a gift to all who know him! Thank you Lord for helping me choose Life!

CareNet

BirthRight

Priests for Life

If you had an abortion and now would like counseling, please contact:

Project Rachel

God Bless…

6 Weeks to Let Go of My Child…

single mom B&W Class of 2015 Graduation pictureI have six weeks to let go of my child. It’s not quite as dramatic as that sounds, but in my little corner of the world, it kinda is. You see, my first son will be off to college then, and the thought has put me in a melancholy kinda mood as I write this. In fact, it’s been a whole melancholy kinda summer for me if I were to tell the truth. Not melancholy in a bad way exactly just… melancholy, reflective, heavy, but again, not in a bad way, just in a I-can’t-put-it-into-words-no-matter-how-hard-I-try kinda way.

I think the thought of what it really meant to let go of my child started about a month ago. Let me give you some background.

What Made Me Realize I Must Let God of My Child

Any working parent knows how difficult it is to get ready for work and get the kids out the door to school on time. As a single mom of five boys, I cannot tell you what insanity runs through our home some mornings!

“Mom, where’s my sock?”

(Socks, the bane of my existence!)

“Mom, do you have my uniform?

(Back to back games and sweaty, stinky boys – not a good combination!)

“Why don’t you ever buy any good cereals?”

(Ummm…maybe one of the 10 boxes I bought was good until they went stale after you opened every one because you “just wanted to see!” It’s not like you haven’t tasted Apple Jacks before!)

Yep, getting five boys out of the house is more than a challenge and may cause one to think I’d be happy to let go of my child. In fact, getting five boys out of the house in the morning is an Olympic feat, and I have to be incredibly thankful for my Mom who comes over most mornings to watch Kaleb so he can sleep a bit later and I can just deal with four whiny, sleepy, cranky, school-loving <sarcasm> boys.

My drive to work takes me past a park about a block from the boys’ school (The older four go to a combined middle-high school) so to save the boys from waking up early to take a 45 minute bus ride when we live five minutes from the school, I drive them. That block away is about where the car pool line really backs up so, if I’m early (which is NEVER!) I drive them all the way up to the school. When I’m not early (See the previous note) I drop them off at the park and they walk the last block.

I’ve had so many people from our small town laugh.

“I saw your boys getting out of the car this morning.”

“Every morning we see them and say, ‘There go the Smith Boys!'”

“Your boys look so cute walking to school together!” (They love that one!)

What people don’t see is the chaos that goes on inside the car.

“Get off of my backpack!”

“Has anyone seen my lunch?!?”

“QUIET I have to finish my homework!” (Can you see my head swivel around to glare at this child and then realize he’s 17, and I should just let it go…)

“Somebody open the car door!” (Our minivan was in such bad shape, the car doors didn’t even open from the inside. It was kind of a family joke (when they weren’t rushing to get to school and feeling the pressure of a backed up car pool line), but I worried about what might happen if…let’s not go there and just be grateful we got a new (used) car last week – a story for another post one day).

In a rush, the boys pile out, sometimes taking an assortment of who knows what with them. One time they knocked  bottles I was taking to recycling out of the car. Noah threw them back in before quickly running off. I got to my Catholic school teaching job and looked down at the passenger’s seat floor now covered in Schlitz beer cans. I’m not a big drinker and don’t think I’ve ever had a Schlitz. Noah must’ve thrown in somebody else’s recycling and I hadn’t even noticed in the insanity of drop off.

Yes, getting the boys out to school in the mornings is crazy time, but it’s also a time we have some of our funniest moments, stories (like the Schlitz beer story) that get funnier every time we tell it (and a bit more exaggerated – maybe the floor wasn’t quite covered in beer cans, but it seemed like it when I had to explain it to the other algebra teacher!)

This was Troy’s senior year, and as the school year went on, I became obsessed with trying to hold onto every moment. I did not want to let my child go, but the reality that my 17 year old would be going off to college soon and that these moments wouldn’t last forever was beginning to sink in. That letting go of him not doing his homework was the least of what I’d need to be letting go of. I tried to hold on to silly moments by doing things like snapping pictures of them walking to school together (Even if they didn’t want to admit it, they really were so cute together!)

Little things passed too quickly. Like for example, I missed the significance of how letting my child go tied to the last day of regular classes.

The boys still had exams, but this was the last day of classes, which meant it was the last day all four would ever walk to school together. I’d never get that picture of the four of them, backpacks hanging over their shoulders, laughing, pushing, teasing as they walked up the winding path, past the swings where I’d spent hours, past the gazebo where they had won sportsmanship awards for the local fishing contests, past the wooden towers and slides and monkey bars where they had shot unseen enemies and protected their land and their families, where they had become heroes if only in their own minds (and in mine too). They’d never walk beside that gurgling little stream we loved but tended to take for granted again in the same way.

With about two months until Troy left for college, this thought began my melancholy, my season of lasts. Next year, I’d drop off only three of the boys. Troy, for all his forgetfulness (homework was not the only thing he’d forget!), was graduating.

I can laugh at Troy’s forgetfulness because he has matured and come a long way and really is the most amazing kid young man. He (and Matt) were the ones to dig the hole when the guinea pig (RIP Firefighter, you smelly, but loved, little critter) died (A story only a mom of boys would have). He was the one to tell me to read the Book of Job when his father left. He was the one who took over a man’s job, hauling in firewood, fixing things that were broken, setting up the tent on family camping trips, leaving the toilet seat up just to spite me.

Troy is truly an amazing young man. This year he took AP European History, AP Calculus, and AP Physics. He (and Matt) played for team that won the state championship in soccer (The women’s soccer win was nothing compared to this! 😉 ) He played varsity baseball, and he turned 18 as a Life Scout. Wish he had made Eagle, but other circumstances intervened and his drive was just not there anyway. Like so many things this year, I’ve had to just let that go…

Troy received some nice academic scholarships and will be going to college to pursue chemical engineering. I guess the fact that he did some of his homework on those crazy five minute car rides is something I shouldn’t even mention. I should just let it go…

But how do I let it go? How do I let him go? I know the others will soon follow, each with his own special skills, talents, triggers, and laughter, each with his own special place in my heart. Each will take a piece of me with him. How do I let my child go? How do I let any of them go?

As a single mom, I am particularly stuck with the knowledge that this is the last time my family will ever be intact this way again. From now on things will be different, things will change. We will never be the mom and five boys in the grocery store, at the movies, on our family vacations as Troy and Matt have decided to stay home to work as lifeguards this year.

Everything is changing. It’s all good. I am proud of him. I am happy for him. I adore and love him more than he will ever know.

And now it is time for me to just let him go…

With six weeks to go, this is our summer of lasts, and then I’ve got to just let him go…

God Bless…

Love Did Not Win, But It Will

Rainbow over stormy sea. Love Didn't Win, But it WillRainbow flags, teeshirts, and banners were displayed on every possible surface as Americans cheered the Supreme Court’s approval of marriage equality. Newspaper, radio, and internet sources showed celebrations and global gay pride parades as the world rejoiced with America. Love Wins was the slogan shouted loudly from coast to coast.

Casual observers believed that all of America rejoiced in the ruling. Onlookers were led to believe that this was a ruling long overdue and that oppression of homosexuals was akin to slavery and the Civil Rights movement of the 1960’s. America was thrilled, the Supreme Court had put an end to such atrocities. The delight was unanimous.

That is what the modern media outlets would have you believe. What many citizens did not stop to consider was how close the ruling was, 5-4, or the reasons those four judges dissented or why those four judges each thought it was such an important issue that it needed to be addressed by each of them instead of the usual single response.Continue Reading

Eucharist in Hand or by Mouth?

Chalices

Jesus is truly present in the Eucharist.

Do you take the Eucharist in your hand or in your mouth? When you hunger for the Lord and open your heart and mind, He opens doors to allow you to find Him. The timing was right for the Lord to open those doors and for me to reconsider how I took the Eucharist.

I had begun to see articles urging Catholics to take Communion by mouth rather than by hand. It seemed an antiquated concept. I thought only old people took Communion by mouth, and, despite what my children say, I am certainly far from old!

I continued taking Communion in my hands, left over right as I was taught in 2nd grade, but those articles kept popping up as I researched things I never even knew to ask about my Catholic faith. I realized I was taking Communion the same way I had when I was 8 years old, that I hadn’t really grown much, if at all, since then.Continue Reading

How Do You Take the Eucharist?

Chalices

Jesus is truly present in the Eucharist.

My passion for the Catholic faith had been awakened. When I saw the veiled young woman dressed all in black take Communion, I was already no longer satisfied with the status quo I’d accepted for so long. I was only a person or two behind her on the opposite side of the aisle, but I was fascinated by her. The little I could see showed me she was a beautiful, dark skinned Hispanic woman, a woman who stood out in our small town, predominantly white church community, and I watched her surreptitiously as I moved closer to the altar. When it was her turn to receive Communion, she stopped and knelt in the aisle opening her mouth reverently before standing again and walking to the rear of the church.

In contrast, I patiently moved closer to taking the Host, shuffling forward in line with everyone else. When my turn came, I stood, put my hands out, left over right as I’d been taught in 2nd grade when I had made my First Holy Communion and took the wafer, pausing only a moment to make a quick Sign of the Cross before turning my back to the Cross and returning to my seat.Continue Reading

10 Great Things About Being a Single Mom in America

America Flag Backdrop - 10 Great Things About Being a Single Mom in America

What do you love about life in America? If you’re a single mom elsewhere, how does life compare? Leave a comment below!

The life of a single mom in America isn’t easy, and for all their talk of women’s liberation and women’s equality, too many of today’s politicians have done too little to strengthen the lives of women in America. When Hillary Clinton and others talk of equal pay for equal work, they often fail to take into consideration that many women take time off from work to raise children, take care of the family home, and, yes, even cook and clean for their husbands (shocking I know)! What may be even more shocking is that many of these women enjoy (horrors!) doing such menial tasks for those they Love.

Becoming a single mom for these women is beyond devastating. They are cast into a role meant to be shared by two. In addition to losing self-worth, they also lose their work identity as they are told they are no longer good enough at being wife and mother to maintain their positions. To make matters worse, society and even their own churches often look down upon them casting them in with other single mothers.

Other single mothers are those the abandoned housewife knows as little about as the as well as the highbrow politician does. These other single mothers may include: the girl who gets pregnant at 14 and keeps her baby, the college co-ed who gets drunk on a one night stand but decides against the abortion mill, the low-income, lonely divorced woman who already has three children but, in an effort to prove she is not worthless, reaches out for love from an unworthy man and finds herself pregnant and alone again despite “precautions” taken, the rape victim who runs away in shame but decides not to make two victims from one man’s evil, vomit-inducing action.Continue Reading

Why Remain Catholic Through Divorce – My Defining Moments

An Empty Catholic ChurchMy Baptist friend said it best, “Once I asked the Lord to put a hunger for His Word in my heart, that hunger never stopped and I couldn’t get enough of the Bible.” For me, that moment was the night I crawled on my hands and knees in the darkness begging God for forgiveness, begging Him to come to me, carry me, lift me, save me.

Before that night, I had been living a lukewarm faith; I’m sure now that my lukewarmness was the very thing that would have led to a longtime in Purgatory – if I was lucky. I shudder to think about it now and hope others are inspired to leave their lukewarmness behind. It is amazing how the Lord’s timing works. Sometimes we wait years with no clear answers, but other times, we are answered almost instantly.

That night, I knew instantly that the Lord was there, but that it was up to me to maintain the relationship. Years before, our marriage had gone through some rough times, and I had wanted to leave my husband. From what I know, from stories I heard growing up, and from people who’ve made it through the rough times to long, happy marriages, I knew all couples go through rough times and that most have thought of leaving their spouse at one time or another. Those who made it and were happy about having done so were willing to work hard, to put the other person first, and to look long and hard in the mirror.Continue Reading