Some babies are planned. Right down to the minute. I have friends who knew when they’d have their first child – and when they’d have their second. The children would come when they were financially established, when their careers were set, when their homes were ready.
Some of those friends seemed able to put in an order and receive the baby they wanted, when they wanted it more easily than I can order what I want at a fast food drive-in window.
Some lives just work out perfectly.
But mine was different, especially my last baby; he was a total surprise.
We’d had four boys in six years (Yep, some of them were surprises too! 🙂 ). The last had just gone off to kindergarten, and we had just given away our baby things that summer.
And then, I swear, from the moment of conception…I knew I was pregnant.
And almost right away began having major problems.
I became very ill and had to be put on home IV. There were concerns for the baby’s health too, and the IV itself caused issues including blood clots, infection, and more.
And then, suddenly, my husband said, “This isn’t how I planned my life.” On Facebook, he’d reconnected with a a woman he’d dated in high school who, apparently, lived the life he’d planned.
A week later he moved 90 miles away to begin his life with her.
17 years together – gone in one week.
Yes, I understand fear and confusion and pain over a surprise baby.
I would be forced to deal with an incompetent, unjust court system. I’d be unable to collect child support, and we would lose our home. I’d be unable to find housing for a single stay-at-home mom of five boys.
There would be more issues than I could count – physically, mentally, financially, emotionally, spiritually.
My life had a plan just a few months before – a husband was part of that plan (the majority of my plan actually), a baby was not.
And certainly neither was any of this.
And yet, that child who grew within me deserved a chance. His heart was beating, his fingerprints were there, his heart and soul and mind were already alive and functioning hidden but alive inside of me.
I could not kill my child to give myself the life I had planned.
Would my life have been easier? Very possibly – no diapers and midnight feedings or expensive daycare while I worked three jobs.
But easier is not always better.
And when I look at that grin he’s got now,
when I feel the bond I share with him,
when I hear his little feet running toward me,
when I see new discoveries through his eyes,
when I see his brothers stepping up to take unique roles in his life,
when I kiss him good night and he wraps his skinny little arms around my neck…
nothing compares to those moments and that is when I know,
The one whose purpose I questioned, has given us reason to smile.
although I understand the pain and confusion, fear and humiliation of a crisis pregnancy,
“choice” should never be a word we use with Child.
Some babies are planned by their parents. Others are planned solely by their Father, but no baby is unplanned. What special gifts those children planned solely by God turn out to be.
Trust in Him.
Trust in the LORD with all your heart,
on your own intelligence do not rely;
In all your ways be mindful of him,
and he will make straight your paths.
If you are pregnant and unsure of what to do, if you are feeling scared or alone, if you have had an abortion and want to find healing, please contact one of the following groups or contact me (see forms in sidebar and in top menu).
BirthRight International 1-800-550-4900
Both you and your child are loved – always & perfectly.