Last week we looked at Catholics dating after divorce and the message dress sends and encouraged women to be beautifully sexy rather than trashy sexy.
So what is beautifully sexy when you’re a Catholic dating after divorce?
Men are visual creatures. No gender re-identification program is going to change that. No Target store policy is going to keep men from being visual so let’s start with the physical and what makes a woman physically, beautifully sexy.
Physically, beautifully sexy means taking care of yourself. This is not vanity. This is being appreciative of yourself as made in the image and likeness of God and offers respect and thanks to your creator.
Physical beauty means eating the best your budget allows. It means saying no to the Deadly Sin of gluttony. It means being more generous when bringing my boys to the movies, ordering that large bucket of popcorn, and then not wanting to share – even with the free refill. It means putting a reasonable amount of ice cream in a bowl rather than curling up on the couch with a towel wrapped half gallon and a spoon. Beautifully sexy often means saying no.
Physical beauty means spending a little time on your hair, your make up, and your outfit. It doesn’t mean giving up and going without makeup, although choosing to confidently do so is fine. It doesn’t mean covering yourself with so much makeup even you forget who and what you are.
Taking care of yourself means emphasizing the good features the Father has given you (Everyone has good features – even you!) It means wearing clothes that fit correctly, clothes that hug curves without painting over them. It means being able to go out with a grandfather and a preschooler and not worrying about pulling your top up or your skirt down when they drop something and the beautiful person you are bends over to pick it up for them.
Depth of Beauty is Sexy
They say, beauty is only skin deep. A man may be attracted to looks initially, but looks fade no matter how much Hollywood would like us to believe otherwise. Looks are never enough to hold a worthy man.
Have you ever seen a physically beautiful person and been turned off once she opened her mouth? Beautiful sexy radiates from within.
True beauty comes from living purposely, learning eagerly, loving genuinely, and trusting in the Father instead of freaking out when things don’t go your way. It comes from not speaking badly of others, from building others up, from going out of your way to lend a helping hand, from opening a wisely guarded heart. True beauty comes from living with a code of ethics even when temptations arise and challenges mount.
Love vs. Respect
It’s been said that a woman sacrifices self-respect for love while a man sacrifices love for respect. I challenge whether the two are mutually exclusive.
Is it not possible that the best way to earn love is by respecting a man by not showing off your body for others to gawk over? Is it possible to respect your future husband by drawing others to your heart while only he, as your husband, is knows what your bust looks like in low cut clothing, so that only he knows the exact curve of your backside?
Is it not best to begin today respecting your future husband by respecting yourself enough to not need to attract lustful attention? Are you showing your future husband love or respect by attracting many and hoping he will sift through the crowds to rescue you from yourself and the gawkers surrounding you?
Sex is a gift from God. Sex is good and exciting and natural and wonderful, but it is also to be kept sacred within the marriage bond. When we cheapen it, either in our “sexy” (aka cheap and trashy) decisions, by looking at and lusting after those who we are not married to, or by living with a partner before marriage, we do not strengthen relationships but rather put them at risk.
What is worse, by falling for the world’s view of sex and what defines sexy, we also put the relationships of those who look up to us, generally our children, at risk.
No relationship was ever saved because the woman dressed according to today’s definition of sexy. No relationship was ever saved because a man appreciated tight, low cut clothing. Quite the contrary is true, and yet we continue to push the bar of what is considered acceptable and expect different results.
Try something different.
As a Catholic dating after divorce, you already know the horror of a failed relationship. You don’t want a man that blends in with the rest. You don’t want a man like every other man. You want a man who stands above the crowd. You want the one man who is meant for you.
And he is seeking that in a woman too.
He doesn’t want a woman who blends in with all the rest. He doesn’t want a woman like every other woman. He wants a woman who stands above the crowd. He wants the one woman who is meant for him.
Will you be that woman? Will you be patiently, beautifully, sexy, leaving seduction for the bedroom and his eyes only or will you be one of hoards attracting for the here and now?
Choose your single period to work on what makes you glowing, radiant, beautifully sexy. Choose to workout, to apply makeup, to do your hair. Choose clothing that emphasizes but leaves room for the imagination. Above all, work on your heart. Reach out to others. Lend a helping hand. Learn something new. Become the person God wants you to be.
This is the kind of true beauty that is incredibly sexy – and infinitely long lasting. This is the kind of beauty Catholics dating after divorce should strive for in themselves and in potential dates.
There is nothing sexier than being the person God intended you to be.
Be beautifully sexy!