An inspirational Christian friend once told me the prayer God always answers positively is her request to want to know Him more, to be made more hungry for Him. Her words stuck with me and describe what I have been experiencing the last several weeks.
With an intensity that is almost indescribable,
I have grown in my understanding of trust in, and love for the Lord in ways I didn’t know possible before. I am amazed at how far I’ve come and the peace and joy in my life today. Make no mistake, this is no peace and joy from my power, but a peace and joy that surpasses human understanding or determination. It is a peace and joy that comes from submission. It is a peace and joy that comes even in cold dark moments.
That last part is key to understanding faith. Faith doesn’t expel cold, dark moments, even intensely cold dark moments or those that last a very long time.
In my cold and darkness, I find Joy and Peace, yet still, I hunger.
I hunger to know more of God, to grow closer to Him, to receive and give more of His Love and Mercy, more of His forgiveness and welcome, more of Him. I hunger for relationship with faithful brothers and sisters in Christ, those who see beauty in this troubled world and who want to better glorify God for His creation and for placing us in the middle of it. I hunger for a spiritual advisor who will push me farther than I think I can go and asks questions that rock my status quo and make me reach out of myself so I am less of me and more of my Savior.
I hunger to Love and be Loved, to hold an be held, to trust and be trustworthy.
My Marian Consecration
It is this hunger that made me seek Marian Consecration at a neighboring parish. I hungered to know more of my Lord, My Savior, and I figured who better to show me the way than a group of faithful Catholic women meeting to learn about Mary, the Mother of Jesus Christ?
The consecration seemed like a nice thing to do.
Before I get too deeply into this, let me explain again as Catholics already explained countless times for centuries, we do not and never will Worship Mary as God. She is fully human and not God in any way, shape, or form.
Phew, got that established! Onward…
Mary was someone I hadn’t thought much of growing up. I don’t remember studying her in CCD. We had no devotion to her in my home. I said the Rosary occasionally as a repetitive set of prayers, a chore I did because my conscience nagged at me. I never asked whether that nagging was my own conscience, the Holy Spirit’s prompting, or a Mother’s exasperated plea. I never thought of my saying the Rosary once in a blue moon as a hunger in me.
It wasn’t until after my husband left that I began exploring other Christian churches and found that, although I loved much of what they did, there was a completeness they lacked somehow. Mary was a part of that. I hungered for her in a way that made no sense since I didn’t know her. Hungering for Mary was like hungering for a nourishing food I’d never tried because I wasn’t sure it provided anything I wasn’t getting elsewhere. Mary was a food I wasn’t even sure it existed as anything more than a long ago tree dropping an important fruit. I’d take her fruit, but who would eat the tree?
I faced additional pains hungering for her but knowing her purity was in such contrast to decades of my impurity. I hungered but couldn’t bring myself to meet her eye to eye.
Yet, still I hungered.
I began saying the Scriptural Rosary and saw how reflecting on Jesus’ life through a Scriptural verse represented by each bead brought me closer to Jesus. I learned Saint Dominic said the Rosary was like giving Mary a bouquet of prayers. I thought of how beautiful such a gift from my own children would be! I imagined myself shyly presenting my bouquet to the Blessed Mother and her graciously accepting my pitifully withered offering with her gentle smile.
I realized that, because Jesus is our brother and Mary is His mother, she is our mother too. I realized that Jesus would want us to honor the 4th Commandment Honor our Mother and Father, especially when it came to His own mother. I thought of how happy He must be when we love the woman He Loves, the woman who gave Him life in man’s form, the woman who gave her fiat, her “yes,” to God, the woman who took the Holy Spirit within her to live next to her heart.
I was prepared to honor and even love Mary, Mother of God, daughter of my Father, and wife of the Holy Spirit. If the consecration to Jesus through Mary was a way to do that and grow closer to the Trinity well that was fine with me!
I wasn’t prepared for Marian consecration to present a hunger that left me isolated for the next five weeks…
*Please read through my last post on Marian Consecration! Come back each day or, if you don’t have much time, please read the last three posts!
Other Posts About My Marian Consecration:
- Hungering in a Cold Darkness & My Marian Consecration
- Snow Brings Cold & Isolation. DeMontfort Brings Darkness in My Marian Consecration.
- Wounds of Divorce & Marian Consecration with Maximilian Kolbe
- Hunger, Thirst, & Giving My Heart in Marian Consecration
- Coincidences & the Final Meeting in Marian Consecration
- Feeling Protestant in Marian Consecration
- Grace, Wisdom, & Light in Marian Consecration – FINALLY!
- Coincidences & Gift of My Marian Consecration
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