In many cases of marital abandonment, the husband or wife has committed infidelity so when my husband said he was leaving, I needed to know if my husband was cheating on me with another woman. I asked if this had anything to do with a woman he had recently reconnected with on Facebook. That was when I found out he was cheating on me with another woman.
Let me explain about her…Although I had never met her, this woman invited herself into our marriage and became the proverbial “other woman.” The idea that my husband would be unfaithful was a foreign concept to me because I had loved and trusted him completely.
Sometimes I feel pretty stupid about that now, but I hope if someone sees these things happening in her marriage she can be prepared and, even better yet, stop the devastation before total destruction takes place.
On Mother’s Day 2009, I was five months pregnant and scared. That was the day I was told my husband was leaving, and I needed to confront the fact that his infidelity was involved.
My husband cheated on me.
I could not wrap my head around it. We had had our ups and downs, but all marriages do, and I had thought the past year had been a really good one. Even as he was giving me his, “I don’t love you anymore” speech, he was saying that I was a good friend, one of his best. I thought part of being married was being friends. There are no words to express the pain and confusion these situations bring to their victims!
Marriage is about more than just friendship, but I was also pregnant, so sex had been a very recent part of our relationship. Would I have liked more excitement and candlelight, romance and dream vacations? Yes! There were times I would have given anything for just five minutes of peace and quiet alone together, but we had four young boys, my husband worked all the time, and the pregnancy had left me extremely ill and facing complications. I made the mistake of thinking we were both looking forward to the real romance I hoped would come eventually.
When I asked my husband about the other woman he admitted he had been seeing her, getting together for drinks etc.
I was in shock. He had been getting together for drinks with another woman while I cared for our four young boys, worked at two part time jobs, handled all the bills and other household functions, and was experiencing a complicated pregnancy???
It was true. And suddenly, I no longer knew anything about the person I had thought hung the sun in the sky every day, but I would know about a lot of other, bigger things.
I would face changes I never thought possible. I would eventually meet the other woman in my husband’s life. I would raise our children with almost no help from my husband, a stranger to me now. I would learn that I never really knew him. I would hurt and cry and shout and feel nothing at all at times and through it all, I would learn what I am made of.
I would learn how valuable my friends are and how strong and lovable and amazing and inspirational my children are. I would learn more about what a successful marriage is than I had learned in the 17 years my husband and I had been together. I would learn about understanding the mistakes I had made and vow never to repeat them. Most of all, I would learn about the true love from God who is never unfaithful to His children.
He answered, “Anyone who divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery against her.
Mark 10: 11