Single Mom Smiling is a hodgepodge of many things, but our lives are often a hodgepodge of many things; it’s when we try to compartmentalize, to order everything into our neat and tidy ideas of how life should be that we run into or biggest obstacles.
I thought about dividing the site into separate sites: parenting, crisis pregnancy, faith, divorce, abandonment, societal issues, single parenting…the list could go on infinitely.
But that’s not how we live. Life is meant to be lived together, as a hodgepodge of things, not neatly compartmentalized.
And God was meant to be the common denominator in all of that hodgepodge, to bring a sense of order to the disorder we often bring on ourselves.
God, for me, is not something I lock away during the week and put on every Sunday for an hour at Mass.
God is with me when I wish Him, “Good Morning,” before putting my feet on the floor by my bed.
God is with me when I thank Him for that first cup of coffee – and its mountains of sugar and milk.
God is with me later when I step on the scale and wish I had cut back on that sugar and milk.
God is with me when I gently kiss my sweetly sleeping children to rouse them for school – and when they snarl back at me.
God is with me when I return for the umpteenth time, no longer gently kissing sweet little heads, but now voicing threats from the doorway at anyone who refuses to, “Get up, NOW!”
God is with me when I return to the school for the third time because, in their morning stupor, someone forgot something.
God is with me when I face a mountain of dirty laundry, a sink full of dirty dishes, and a roomful of clutter.
God is with me when I get rejected for that job I had my mind set on – again.
God is with me when I have time to shop but no money to spend on food.
God is with me when I work three jobs and have money but no time to shop for or prepare a meal.
God is with me when I’m scrambling to throw together a dinner for six.
God is with me when I’m exhausted and declare a mac and cheese from a box night and my applauding children make me wonder why I ever serve anything else.
God was with me as a child when I faced abuse and misunderstanding, when no one liked me, when I was ugly and dumb and good for nothing.
God was with me years later when I found out I was pregnant, when I became sick, when I thought that baby would have problems, when my husband of 14 years suddenly left for a girlfriend he reconnected with on Facebook, when he texted me when our baby was just 3 days old to say he had just filed for a divorce, when I received my Order of Protection – on Valentine’s Day 2 years after we had renewed our vows, when my children have been sick and injured and hurting, when the courts refused to enforce childcare until the case was settled, when we had no heat, when social services turned me away because my paperwork said I should be getting support even though we were not, when I couldn’t afford Christmas or birthdays, when my house was foreclosed on and my credit was destroyed, when I was forced to settle, when…when…when…
when my heart broke.
when my mind screamed.
when my body shook.
when I thought my world had ended.
God was with me.
God was even with me the night I took every Cross off our walls and threw them across the back yard.
Yes, God was even with me then.
And now, I have finally learned my lesson (I think! I hope! I pray!)
That I have finally learned and that in ALL things,
GOD WILL BE WITH ME,
AND I WILL BE WITH GOD
And that is when I realized that I was never good for nothing
that God doesn’t make anyone good for nothing,
but that it takes some of us a long time to realize that.
And that is why this website is a hodgepodge of all sorts of posts, and I think, I hope, I pray that in each of them, you find God is always a part of your life too and that there is a little something that draws you closer to His peace and Love and strength and Grace and fortitude and goodness.
We cannot compartmentalize life. It doesn’t come in neat little boxes with ribbons and bows and color coded labels.
Sometimes life is messy and ugly and scary and bad, but God is always there for all of us – whether you know Him or not, He knows and loves you in every part of your life and in all you do, and that is why this website is a hodgepodge of most things that are me.
Thank you for joining me in Single Mom Smiling.