After the initial shock of discovering my husband was having an affair, I kept asking myself, “What does she have that I don’t?”
What does she have that I don’t? I quickly came to some quick and easy answers.
- She has a high paying job.
- She works from home but can travel frequently.
- She can spend money on herself and on what she wants.
- She has no ties to anything that would hold her down. She was a single, never married woman who had to consider no one but herself.
- She has no children of her own and is beginning to accept the thought that she will never have any.
- She comes from a very large Catholic family and is used to being around children. My kids were perfect for her because they’d come around every few weeks and she could play mom/favorite aunt without having any real responsibility or inconvenience.
Reading that list, I almost fell in love with her myself. I’ve seen her pictures. She is attractive and has a dazzling smile with the kind of blue eyes that light up for the camera. I could definitely see why my husband went for her: money, trips, looks, and freedom with the understanding of big families. Sounds like a dream come true for all – for except those of us left behind.
When I look back and ask, what does she have that I don’t, I can see there were many things the other woman had that I didn’t, but that is only part of the story. The easy things to point out that she has that I don’t are listed above, but it’s often easier to look at another person than it is to look at oneself.
It’s more difficult to delve into the question of, “What does she have that I don’t?” and mean your own baggage, your own responsibilities, wrong doings, and shortcomings, but we must do that at some point if we are going to heal and move on.
The other woman is always wrong; however, by looking only at her faults, the abandoned spouse surrenders all control. We must also look into mistakes we made and learn from them. By doing so, we emerge stronger and more loving. We learn to forgive ourselves and our spouse and we learn to take the chances that could allow us to risk loving again.
My posts on mistakes I made follow in bits and painful pieces. Thank you for bearing with me. ___________________________________________________________________________
Romans 10: 19