You’ve been together for a while. You love this person, and you cannot wait to be Married! Marriage is a Good thing, a holy Sacrament given by God and reflective of the Trinity, and yet many Marriages now end in divorce. The Good news is – it doesn’t have to be this way!
There are many in the Catholic Church who say there are too many invalid annulments while others say there are too many invalid marriages. Either way, you don’t want to be another sad statistic. You don’t want to be on the end of a failed relationship wondering whether your marriage or your annulment was the invalid act, and you don’t have to be!
For the past several years, I’ve worked with women through life coaching. Some of these women are in the process of recovering from a failed relationship. Others are ready to start new relationships, and still others are considering taking current relationships to the next level. All want to be sure this is the right move at the right time and improve their chances for a successful future.
Marriage surveys ask how many kids you and your partner want, what your discipline style is, where you want to live, how organization, career, and spending patterns affect your relationship and so on. These are valid questions and should be addressed, but many surveys ignore important questions.
As a life coach, I ask questions few others ask and give you time to explore your innermost thoughts before deciding a plan of action. Sometimes the answers aren’t pretty or expected, but confronting them ahead of time can enable you to overcome future obstacles and strengthen your relationship or it can help you discern a new path without stealing more time from you or your partner.
About the Marriage Questions Presented Below
Taking time to pray over and answer tough questions strengthens the future of your relationship. This is by no means an exhaustive question set, but they are some I use when relationship coaching at The Right Path Life Coaching. Don’t try to answer all at once; do a few at a time. Give thoughtful responses and record your ideas so you can refer to them later when life gets challenging. Some questions will have a greater impact on you than others.
Questions are asked in terms of female participants (She rather then he), but they are equally important for men to answer before furthering a relationship. Men are leaders yet often downplay their own importance in the Family’s well-being. Please don’t make that mistake. Men are vital parts of a healthy, happy Family and in helping both their wives and their children become the best they can be. Take the time to answer these questions privately and then with your partner. Your wife is a reflection of you. Lead her to greatness, and you will be greatly respected.
Questions that are asked of you can be switched so you ask them about your partner too. Answer questions by yourself first. Then come together and ask them of each other. This exercise should be interesting and even fun. If it’s important to you and your partner refuses to participate or treats it too lightly, that may answer some questions about your relationship. It may send up red flags or signal how he will handle things that are important to you in the future.
I want what is best for you and for your partner, and I truly believe in the beauty of Marriage. I also believe Patience, Wisdom, and communication (with your partner and often with yourself!) is the best way to make that beauty last a lifetime. If you have relationship questions, please contact me or book a free, no obligation life coaching inquiry session.
100 Questions Catholics & Christians Must Ask Before Getting Married
What You Each Bring to Marriage and Your Future
- What values or morals are most important to you?
- What values and morals have you already bent and why?
- What is valuable to you?
- What is important to you?
- How will you protect and defend what is important to you?
- What do you want to be known for?
- How do you receive validation?
- How does your ability and level of trust impact your relationships?
- How does past abuse affect your choice in partners? Do you see red flags either in your partner’s behavior or attitude or in your own that would make you question this relationship in someone else?
- Do you believe your relationship is meant to heal past hurts?
- Why are you worthy of love?
- Why is your partner worthy of love?
- What is your overall attitude toward life in general?
- What hardships have you faced alone?
- What is your attitude toward hardships?
- What goals have you set?
- What is your timeline for achieving these goals?
- What steps are you taking to making these goals a reality?
- How will you feel if you never achieve these goals?
- How do you feel and react when others treat you badly?
- How forgiving are you?
- How honest with others are you?
- What do you say when you think others want to hear something you disagree with?
- How do outward appearances affect your self-worth?
- How do you equate self-worth with sexuality?
- How have past relationships ended?
- What obstacles are still ahead in your thoughts and actions?
- Who do you most admire and how do you reflect that person?
- How is your choice of friendships and dating partners related to who you most admire?
- Who are you now and who do you hope to become?
- What do you not want to ask your partner about?
- What do you not want to talk to him about?
Relationship & Family Questions for Marriage
- Is love necessary for a happy marriage?
- How do you know you love your partner and he loves you?
- How have you seen your partner choose love even when he doesn’t feel love?
- What evidence is there that this is the right person for you?
- How important are non-sexual displays of affection for each of you?
- What would your partner say is the best way to show love toward him?
- How important is sex to your relationship?
- If you told your partner you would not have sex until marriage, what would his reaction be?
- How capable is your partner of having a chaste relationship?
- How have past relationships affected your current thoughts, actions, relationship?
- What have you learned from past relationships or from watching others?
- How do you deal with having a difficult conversation with your partner?
- Is there a “giver” in your relationship? Explain that.
- How do you deal with something your partner says or does that you don’t understand?
- When your partner says something you disagree with, how do you handle that?
- How does it feel when your partner makes eye contact with you and really listens to what you’re saying?
- How do you validate your partner?
- If you and your partner vow to never bring up the word “divorce,” how will that affect your marriage?
- How will you divorce proof your Marriage?
- Why is your relationship different from so many that will end in divorce?
- If your spouse says he wants out, how will you convince him to stay?
- What does your spouse say about the best way to convince him to stay married?
- Is the timing right? Are you getting married because you’re at the right age, point in your career, your friends or family are telling you to, or for some other reason or is the time really right for you and your partner? How do you know?
- How does this person compare to other Men you know?
- If you were your best friend, what would you tell her about marrying this person at this time?
- Are you entering Marriage with a, “If this doesn’t work out…” mentality? Is your partner? How do you know?
- If you live together before Marriage, statistics show about 18% of couples will make it beyond 10 years of Marriage. Would you play these odds with a few thousand dollars at a race track? How much is your future worth?
- Would you play these odds (18% chance of success) in Marriage? If yes, what makes you and your spouse the exception that will beat the odds?
- If you live together before marriage but believe your faith or values are strong enough to beat the odds, how do you mesh the fact that you’ve already compromised by living with or having premarital sex with someone with the values you say you have?
- If you live together before Marriage your partner has also compromised the values he (or she) says he has. How can you be sure this is the only time he will compromise his sexual values? How likely is he to wonder if you will compromise yours?
- Why are you continuing with this relationship?
- If you stood alone at a fork in the road with one path leading to marriage with your spouse and the other path leading toward starting over, which would you choose and why?
- No matter how much you think you know a person, there will be firsts. Many firsts will be good things, but many will place stress on the relationship. How have you handled stressors in the past? How will you handle stress together?
- What drives you forward in your relationships?
- What do you most admire about your partner?
- What do you most wish your partner knew about you or about the way he treats you?
- How will you feel when a time comes and you can’t make decisions for yourself and this person makes them all for you?
- How will you feel when a time comes and this person can’t make decisions for himself and you must make them all for him?
- How will you feel when a time comes and you can’t make decisions for your children and this person makes them all for you?
- How do your thoughts, words, and actions help your partner become the best version of himself?
- How do your partner’s thoughts, words, and actions help you become the best version of yourself?
- How will your partner’s thoughts words and action help your children become the best version of themselves?
Faith in Action – Before, During, & After Marriage
- How important is God in your daily life?
- How are you and your partner growing in your faith?
- How do biblical figures and stories relate to today’s world?
- Who is the saint of Biblical figure you most want to be like and why?
- How do you model this person to the world and in your private life?
- Who is the saint of Biblical figure you most want to marry or spend the rest of your life with why?
- How does your partner model this person to the world and in private?
- How will your family mirror the Holy Family?
- How are you like or unlike Mary, the wife of Joseph and mother of Jesus?
- How can you be more like her?
- How is your partner helping you be more like her?
- How is your partner like or unlike Joseph, the husband of Mary and earthly father of Jesus?
- How can he be more like him?
- How are you helping your partner be more like Saint Joseph?
- How will being more like Mary and Joseph affect your children?
- If your partner’s faith never changes from where it is now, how will that affect your relationship?
- How will that affect your children’s faith?
- What do you do when your faith is challenged?
- How do you find support when you question or doubt your faith?
- What happens when you pray together?
- How often do you set aside time to pray together?
- How often do you set aside time to pray for your partner and children?
- How comfortable are you discussing faith with your partner?
- If you suggested going on a Marriage retreat, what would your partner’s reaction be?
- Is your faith wrapped up in this relationship working out?
- What is God telling you about your relationship, about your Marriage?
Amoris Laetitia – Marriage & Family Bonus
I didn’t know when writing this that Pope Francis was releasing Amoris Laetitia (Latin for “The Joy of Love”) yesterday, but you can find much in the first chapter about what the picture of ideal Marriage and ideal Family. I encourage you to look to this document and to Psalm 128 when considering Marriage and the beauties and challenges faced around this amazingly divers world.
It’s hard to call off a relationship when you have so much invested in it. It is even harder to call off a wedding as the date approaches, but it’s harder still to call off a Marriage after vows have been said and lives have been permanently altered.
I want your Marriage to turn out for the best, but this doesn’t happen magically. You and your partner together help make it happen or help make it not happen. The best way to have a happy, lifelong Marriage is to fully commit to a never ending relationship, to choose Love no matter what you are faced with, to choose Love as an action not a feeling, to align sufferings with Jesus on the Cross and Joys to the bond with the Trinity as your glue, and to choose a partner you are positive will do the same.
If you have further questions about your relationship or would like to add questions to this list, contact me or comment below.
Finally, I LOVE hearing about happy Marriages & Good relationships.
Send me your success stories too! 🙂
And, as always, thanks for commenting, liking, following, and sharing!
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