A is for Abandoned but not Alone

Abandoned – it happened suddenly one peaceful night in May.

It was 2009, a Sunday, Mother’s Day,

a day he and his girlfriend changed our family forever

a night that turned out anything but peaceful.

I’d spent part of the day before in the hospital with our son.

I should have known when his father never came home.

I thought he was working hard and had a long commute and was exhausted.

How dumb that sounds now.

How cliche.

How naive.

And yet it’s true.

I trusted him.

I loved him.

I wouldn’t find out until later how many other people had seen him “working” late.

Looking back, maybe Sudden Abandonment wasn’t so sudden after all.

So What is Abandonment?

Abandoned – it’s what happened when he walked out with just one week’s notice,

and I was five months pregnant with little boy #5 – and our world fell apart.

Abandoned – when I begged him to come to the hospital for the delivery of our baby,

and I collapsed not believing the things I heard being said.

Abandoned – when he refused to pay court ordered child support,

and I struggled to find housing for a stay-at-home-mom of five little boys.

Abandoned – when the text message came through, “Just to let you know I filed for a divorce today.”

and our baby was three days old and we had just renewed our vows the Valentine’s Day before.

Abandoned is what I thought God had done to me

and possibly to my boys too.

Abandon – it’s what I tried to do to God that evening as I tore every Cross off every wall of our house

and flung them out the back door into the rapidly approaching darkness,

a darkness that was threatening to engulf my children and me.

But Abandonment stopped there,

And I began to realize We Are NEVER Alone.

Abandoned by the man I’d loved for so long.

I was so Hurt.

I was so Angry.

I was so Scared and Confused and Shaking

ohhh…the uncontrollable shaking!

But not abandoned by the God whose love I don’t deserve.

Not by the God to whom I had said Awful,

Terrible,

Atrocious things.

I didn’t understand Him or His plans,

and I let Him know how I felt about Him and His plans

on that evening when I threw those Crosses and let the darkness take me

And yet, He did not leave me alone.

And later that night,

the same night I threw those Crosses,

I went to that grassy area and crawled

literally on my hands and my knees in the dark.

searching through my tears for more than those Crosses,

searching for God Himself on my knees in the dark.

…whispering…

Please Lord, help me. I am so sorry. Please forgive me.  I don’t understand what you’re doing here, but don’t You leave me too.

And over the years I’ve realized…

Alone – is something I’ve never been.

Alone – is something God’s children never are.

And each of us, you and me,

and that person we ridicule, lose patience with, ignore,

each of us is a child of God.

and each of us is Loved by Him

and none of us is ever alone.

And by trusting in God, my Father, my Lord, my Savior,

I found worth I never knew I had.

And I realized there are others who feel the same:

Children – abused, abandoned, neglected, struggling, saddened.
Men – who don’t know their worth and leave.
Women – who feel alone…

but they are not.

I know. I am just one of them, and there are more – too many more.

And I’ve also discovered,

I’d rather be Alone With God,
     Than together with one who will hurt or abandon.

You are worthy.
You are precious.
You are Loved perfectly.
You are never alone.

Be strong and steadfast; have no fear or dread of them, for it is the LORD, your God, who marches with you; he will never fail you or forsake you.

Deuteronomy 31:6

God Bless…

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