I think only another new single mom can know what the phrase “awake all night” truly means.
Awake all night happens because dinner takes longer than you thought it would to prepare. Awake all night happens because dinner takes longer than you thought it would to eat. Awake all night happens because everything ALWAYS takes longer than you thought to clean up, and I because I still haven’t learned that and always try to cram too much in!
Bed for me this night is 10:20ish.
Awake all night happens because I then remember the soccer uniform I promised to wash but didn’t yet and so I head back downstairs.
Bedtime (again) about 10:45ish.
Awake all night happens because even in bed, I still have work to do for the college class I’m taking to update my teaching license in the hopes of getting a “real” job (as opposed to the many part-time jobs I now work that don’t provide enough for my family and that exhaust and frustrate me).
Lights out by 11:30ish.
Awake All Night Means Being “On Call” as a Single Mom
Awake all night happens because I am a single mom and here for my children.
First wake up call from Kaleb around 1 am.
Later, he calls again after falling out of his toddler bed about 1:45.
I am the first and only responder to his second call just as I was to his first.
Awake all night happens because I can’t fall back asleep. Awake all night happens and I decide sleeplessness is probably a good thing because I am called in again around 2:30 by Kaleb and George, who is an amazing big brother even in the middle of the night.
Finally, I end up moving Kaleb out of his toddler bed and into George’s bed which is a full size on the bottom of Noah’s twin bunk. We arrange ourselves into semi-comfortable sleeping positions. Kaleb, with his head on my chest, lies horizontally across the bed. George and I are left clinging to opposite edges of the bed. Kaleb finally falls asleep.
Awake all night happens as I lay there in the dark and stroke Kaleb’s downy soft hair. I listen to his breathing which is sounding better after his illness and I dare to hope his respiratory infection is going away – finally!
Awake all night happens as I look at the thermometer glowing from atop the dresser across the room. 67 degrees. I can’t help but remember…the last two winters we were so cold all the time.
I realize for about the millionth time today how blessed we are.
Awake all night happens as I lay there in the dark knowing I have to be up at 5:15 Monday morning (today!) and it’s 4:34 now.
Awake all night, and I know I have slept maybe three hours. I know I have an exhaustion headache already. I know I’ll have six cups of coffee and go to the bathroom at least 23 times in the next four hours. I’ve been awake all night, and I know …
But I also know that I would much rather be awake all night and exhausted WITH my children, than well rested without them.
Awake all night happens because I won’t walk away. I won’t seek an easier life. I won’t search for someone to fill the gaps while my kids need me.
Awake all night happens because I love them and they love me. Awake all night happens because I am blessed. Awake all night happens because God gave me five amazing gifts.
Thank you God and good night!
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