Cat Puke first thing in the morning is never a good sign.
The only thing that might be worse is…
well, cat puke second thing in the morning.
like when you don’t know there’s cat puke and you wake up in the still dark and quiet house to get some work done and your computer freezes and causes all sorts of aggravating issues and then suddenly you realize that it’s time to wake up the boys for school and you trek down the darkened hallway
AND ONLY THEN DO YOU FIND THE CAT PUKE!
or actually the entire trail of cat puke because, in your semi-asleep state, you somehow missed that you stepped in cat puke and dragged it down the hallway.
Looking down the hallway, you can almost hear the sergeant shouting:
left, left, left, right, left.
only in your case the footsteps shout:
puke, puke, puke, right, puke.
And then you gently but quickly wake up the boys giving them each just a few more minutes to snooze as you dash back into the hallway armed with holey socks and every sort of cleaner you can find after rummaging frantically through every single kitchen and bathroom cabinet.
You attack that puke by piling cleaner after cleaner on top of each little pile until little foaming mountains dot the hallway. You know there can never be such a thing as too much cleaner, too many environmentally damaging chemicals, too great of an inhalant when it comes to disinfecting cat puke.
And there you are, on all fours, scrubbing the hallway carpeting, hoping desperately to get the cat puke cleaned up before the boys stumble their way through the mess dragging it further through the house or just wake up and see it and start whining, idiotically complaining while YOU are doing all the cleaning.
And then, while still on all fours and fighting back your own gagging vomit reflex, you look up and find the cat has not only puked, but pooped on the carpet and you need to clean that up too.
And then you have the thought you wish you hadn’t thought,
“If she puked here…could she have puked somewhere else too?”
And then you begin the search throughout the house for cat puke and poop and as you seek (and disgustingly, sadly, nauseatingly find more) you begin to realize how little the boys actually cleaned up yesterday and what a mess the house really is and how difficult it could be to locate all the puke/poop piles throughout the house and you want to scream and cry and throw something – except that your hands are so contaminated (despite the precautions you’ve taken) with cat puke that you don’t want to touch anything.
And you decide throwing something will have to wait until later, but you add it to your list of things to do today.
And you are still mad and grossed out and the house is still a mess and the boys still didn’t clean up and you find a target for your disgust and tell the boys that you are going to follow through on your previous threats to make them take the bus to school instead of driving them every morning ( horror of horrors!) if they don’t get the house cleaned up, and then you realize there’s no way they can get the whole house done tonight so in an effort to make a threat you can keep, you tell them we are starting a work for food program and that if they don’t do SOMETHING, ANYTHING to help out around the house each day they will not eat.
And feeling slightly better, you march upstairs to make their lunches not seeing the irony behind the fact that you just told them you weren’t feeding them anymore and then making their food in the very next second.
And then a part of you feels a bit guilty because, even though you threatened to not feed them, you didn’t really mean that, but you also realize that you forgot to buy jelly – and fluff – and cold cuts – and your children can pretty much have a peanut butter and mayonnaise sandwich.
And you think that maybe that’s what you should do, but then you find one last bit of turkey (the good turkey – the one you hide for yourself and only have on those rare occasions when you eat alone – and in peace) and sighing, you take out 16 slices of bread to make 8 sandwiches for the 4 oldest boys and you put one slim slice of turkey on each because that’s all you’ve got and you might have felt bad about these pathetic sandwiches, but you suddenly remember you have lettuce and 3/4 of them like lettuce on their sandwiches
And besides they really don’t deserve more than bread and water anyway.
And when you’re done, you stand back and look at these pathetic sandwiches
and then the cat starts gagging again
and your kids are looking guilty
but they also know you acted like Loony Mom
(and so do you)
no one makes eye contact.
and you drive them all to school in silence but first…
Ah crap the cat’s gagging again.
I gotta go…it might be a long day!
And did I mention…
I never really liked cats in the first place!
Have a great day and always find a reason to smile! 🙂