Life had just gotten easier. Our boys were all in school full time. We were done with car seats, and potty training was a distant memory. My husband was making an excellent salary. I was working part time and looking forward to updating my teaching license and returning to work full time. Financially, we were set for the first time, and we allowed ourselves to begin to think of a time when there would be less work and more play.
And then I got pregnant.
I was 38 years old, our youngest child would be 6 when this baby was born, and suddenly we were starting over. I saw our dreams of travel and leisure go up in smoke and knelt in church to ask God why we were given this baby when there were so many couples desperate to have one. I prayed he would give this gift to someone who needed it.
I wish I had not doubted God. I wish I had been more like Mary and accepted whatever God allowed to touch my life.
Mary, in her unfaltering faith, knew the Lord was working on something amazing, a plan greater than she could have come up with. A virgin and a barren woman were both pregnant! Who could have thought of that before God put his plan in place? The Lord was performing miracles.
This was a lesson I needed to learn.
I think back to that day in church. At that time, I thought my husband and I had a good marriage. I had no idea he would soon leave, but the Lord did know. I wonder what God thought listening to my prayer, “Please give this baby to someone who really needs it.” I cringe over that now.
How we needed that baby! I cannot put into words the joy he brings to our lives and none of the financial hardships or loss of sleep can ever begin to compare to the joy of him flying at us with open arms or the feel of his wet sloppy kisses as clambers over us or that belly laugh that makes total strangers stop in their tracks and laugh along. He has brought such light to our darkness.
Only the Lord knew we would need that light and it was a lesson delivered with perfect timing. It has been 2 ½ years since my husband’s abandonment and there are still days of pain and anger and confusion, but I have learned that God has a plan for us and I need to get out of his way.
Mary knew what I am learning: that I need to sit back and let God work miracles in our lives. I wish the boys and I had an easier life. I know my husband has chosen a difficult life for himself (although he does not see that yet), but I have felt my eyes open to beauty and pain and goodness and love I never would have known existed without this experience and like Mary, I will work to make myself the handmaid of the Lord.
Something to Think About:
Sometimes things happen which are beyond our control and yet we try to control them anyway. Do you trust the Lord to put his plan into place and to perform miracles you cannot yet imagine? How can you get out of God’s way and let him
work miracles in your life?