Divorce Thoughts of Revenge & the Evil Within

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Divorce Thoughts of Revenge and Evil Within - B&W photo girl with head on handOh the thoughts I’ve had about my ex and the other woman! The comebacks I’ve considered for their mean and spiteful comments, the responses I’ve rehearsed to their false and damaging accusations, the scornful piteous glance I’ll offer that other woman when she learns the truth.

I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t gone through some of that. I’d be lying if I said I don’t catch myself every once in a while falling back into that trap.

But that’s exactly what those negative thoughts are – a trap. 

In Sunday’s Gospel Reading from Mark Chapter 7, the Pharisees questioned Jesus about the disciples’ lack of proper protocol. Why didn’t the disciples cleanse their hands? Why didn’t they go through proper purification processes? Why didn’t they…?

Jesus responded to their questions in this way:

He summoned the crowd again and said to them,
“Hear me, all of you, and understand.
Nothing that enters one from outside can defile that person;
but the things that come out from within are what defile.

“From within people, from their hearts,
come evil thoughts, unchastity, theft, murder,
adultery, greed, malice, deceit,
licentiousness, envy, blasphemy, arrogance, folly.
All these evils come from within and they defile.”

This is an excellent lesson for those going through abandonment, separation, and divorce as well as for the Pharisees and others. Each of us must look within and discover where evil lies and what makes those evil thoughts appear.

It is easy to obsess about a husband’s affair on the other woman and the evil within the man who does such things. It is easy to get angry, bitter, and seek revenge. It is probably even justified to do so, but we must ask another question.

What within your spouse caused him to have an affair? If your husband’s heart and mind had been filled with Goodness, with Love, with Hope, with Faith, with chastity, generosity, life, loyalty, honesty, morality, concern for others, humility, wisdom would he have had an affair? Would he have sought that divorce? Would he have fallen from Grace so weakly?

You know the answer.

The evil of divorce can be blamed on many things, and rightly so, but there are plenty of individuals who withstand those many things and defeat temptation, lift their families, and live rightly. The greatest evil cannot be blamed on outside forces but on that within ourselves that allows us to succumb to deceit and temptation.

The corruption within ourselves allows some to succumb to temptation, to blame everything outside of ourselves, and to seek that elusive emotion of happiness by breaking marriage vows.

The abandoned spouse cannot change that. Free will is a God-given gift that is too often used to curse.

The challenge to faithful spouses is to not fall for the same evils within. Satan is smart; he knows each person’s weakness almost as well as the Father does.

Satan knew your husband would fall for divorce.

He’s hoping you will fall for bitterness.

It is the same evil within your husband that made him seek another, seek to please himself above all others, and seek to destroy the marriage and family you worked so hard to build that begins working on your heart when you have those thoughts of scornful revenge.

You must fight against that evil with prayer and peace.

Playing a tit-for-tat with your ex or fantasizing about what you’d do or say to him or to the other woman robs you of the Joy you and your children deserve. It is time spent better elsewhere.

Commit today to live each moment with purpose. Put together a plan for what you will do when that evil gnaws at your insides. Go for a run. Bake cookies for your kids (Can anyone really be angry while baking cookies for children???) Organize a closet. Anything!

But while you do it – PRAY.

Pray that that same evil does not take hold of your heart or your mind. Pray that the Lord fills your heart with Goodness, with Love, with Hope, with Faith, with chastity, generosity, life, loyalty, Love, honesty, morality, concern for others, humility, wisdom, with all those things your husband and the other woman lack without their even realizing it.

And pray for your ex and the other woman too, for you know better than most what evil can do to the heart, especially when we fail to recognize it as such.

You will be okay. You were made for more. Do not fall for negativity, but seek the Lord’s comfort and shelter, and He will provide you with a Peace and Joy that also comes from within and which cannot be shaken.

What do you think? Have you been overtaken by feelings of revenge at some point? Did it help or hurt you in the long run? What could you do differently? Have you tried prayer? How did prayer bring peace within the storm?

Thank you for commenting, sharing, and following!

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God Bless…

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25 thoughts on “Divorce Thoughts of Revenge & the Evil Within”

  1. Roxane B. Salonen

    “Satan knew your husband would fall for divorce.He’s hoping you will fall for bitterness.” This reminds me so much of what Beth Moore said; that the devil is just watching and waiting to strike at our Achilles Heel. He knows our weak spots and he’s ready to fire. But we can cover them with God’s strength, love, humility. I’m so proud of you for your amazing insights, and how they have led you into God’s loving arms. 🙂

    1. Strahlen

      Thank you, Roxane. Beth Moore has done an incredible job bringing faith to women. Would you think I was ridiculous if I said I want to be her of the Catholic Faith one day??? With God, all things are possible! 🙂

      1. Beth

        I first heard of Beth Moore back in 2007 and attended one of her conferences. To say I was astounded would be putting it mildly. Your review of “War Room”, especially for Catholic, hit all the salient points and delivered a great take away. Because of this movie, i will definitely be reading my Catholic bible a lot more. Keep us posted on the Catholic Beth Moore — we are ready for you!

        1. Strahlen

          Beth, You are so right. Beth Moore is amazing! I’m glad you liked my review of War Room. I got it for my boys this Christmas, and we watched it Christmas night together (My oldest two hadn’t seen it yet). I enjoyed the movie the second time around too (even with my one son telling us to be quiet and not spoil the good parts every time a good part was about to come up! lol We kept trying to tell him he was the one spoiling it by saying that, but…a kid who enjoys a Christian film that much??? Can’t get too upset at him for his silly comments!)

          I have read your comment so many times and am trying to figure out who the Catholic Beth Moore is. I haven’t responded because I’ve been afraid to admit this, but I think you may have read my secret innermost thoughts, hopes, and dreams that I could one day lead people back to the Trinity through the Catholic church the way Beth Moore has led people back to Jesus. God can do amazing things! I certainly wouldn’t have even thought it was possible before. Now? Maybe one day! Thank you so much for your encouragement – and if you didn’t mean that lol well I will be praying for whoever the Catholic Beth Moore is! You’re right, whoever it is doesn’t matter. We are ready for her!

          Merry Christmas & God Bless…

          1. Beth

            Beth:

            I absolutely meant it being the next Catholic Beth Moore. Being a fellow writer too (I have to get back to it), I do not give praise lightly. When something inspires me — I follow it through tenaciously. You and I are in lockstep when it comes to evangelical speakers like Beth Moore. You would be a perfect one for the Catholic faith. That should be your goal for 2016. Start planning now….I also got “War Room” for Christmas..I looked at it already and it make such sense. We, as Catholics, need the tenets of that movie. As Clara keeps saying, “We are at war”….and prayer is the way to victory.!

            1. Strahlen

              Oh my goodness Beth! It is 2016, and I am going to take your words to heart! I’ve started Life Coaching to help women in transition and yes, increasing my public speaking, setting up webinars, group coaching, writing a book…So many plans for 2016!!! Thank you again for your encouragement!

              What do you write? I’d LOVE to see it if it’s out here somewhere…if it’s not yet, I’d LOVE for you to send me some of your work!

              I Hope you have had a Wonderful Christmas and are on your way through an Amazing 2016!!!
              Thanks so much again. Please keep in touch!
              God Bless…

                1. Strahlen

                  Hey Beth – You respond to comments faster than I can! Glad you suggested this! I’ve emailed you and thank you for your patience!!

                  happy New Year and God Bless!

  2. Jeannie

    What a great post! Thanks for sharing. I’m not divorced and don’t come from a divorced family, but I just finished ghostwriting a divorce memoir for a Catholic woman, and I learned so much about the grief involved in it all. Thanks for sharing your heart!

    1. Strahlen

      Thank you for your kind words, Jeannie. I think divorce is something people misunderstand and underestimate the damage it does. It is something those who haven’t been there cannot possibly understand. I’d love to hear more about the memoir you wrote!

  3. Johan Persyn

    I’m married with Annemie and she had an annulment for her catholic marriage. Her ex husband acted to family children in a way”that” it could be prosecuted. For her own and his family, it was a taboo and they didn’t support her. And now they try to turn the children against her (20 years, 18 years, 16 years). How you tell such story about their father? You can’t be silent in the face of Evil?

    1. Strahlen

      I am so sorry to hear about the trouble Annemie faced and for the Cross you bear in not having been able to help her at that time. I am amazed by my children’s continually seeking their father’s Love too, no matter what he does or says to me, or worse, them! I try not to write too much about that on here because I don’t want to hurt them, but trust me…it happens a lot!

      You’re right, we cannot be silent in the face of evil, and betrayal, abandonment, and yes, even divorce are evil, nevermind abuse – sexual and physical as well as emotional – but we also must trust that these are the Father’s children and we are just borrowing them for their time on earth. The Lord gave them free will, and He Loves them even more than we do.

      I will pray for you all today.
      God Bless…

  4. Kristy

    I’ve been reading your blog regularly since I found it a few months ago. THANK YOU for writing; it is a life-line to know someone else is living this same single-mom lifestyle , and desiring to make the best of it, instead of giving in to bitterness.
    Honestly, I have made HUGE strides over the last few years laying down my bitterness toward my ex; lately I’m dealing more with depression & loneliness. Or more specifically ALONEness- which is slightly different. It’s more about knowing you are totally alone, and noone truly knows the depths of you anymore. it’s getting very hard for me to go out in groups of people , and always be alone. I feel so very insignificant in the world.
    But now I am opening my Bible to study how alone Christ felt before His death, and seek comfort there.
    Please keep writing! You are helping this sister in Christ!

    1. Strahlen

      Hi Kristy,

      I know exactly what you’re feeling, the feeling of accomplishment and even a level of peace I wouldn’t have known possible before, despite our ex’s behavior, but there is also a aloneness sometimes. I have called it that same thing myself. I am not lonely. I have five kids. It’s hard to find time to be lonely, but feeling alone…that’s a different story. I understand about not going out in groups, about so many things that go along with that.

      I have actually been trying to figure out a post about when I locked my keys in my car shortly after my ex left, and I wasn’t sure of the exact message I wanted to get out through that post. I think you just identified it for me. I’ll post it in a week or so! Thanks so much for reaching out.

      Please know you are never alone (A book I want to write in these next few months!), and if you ever need to reach out, just shoot me an email. Keep reading your Bible. It is a book I never opened before but now long to read and journal about. I hope you keep in touch.

      God Bless…

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