Sometimes we are hurt so badly it seems impossible to forgive. Holding on to anger seems like the best way to keep the pain from seeping in too deeply, but at the same time, it does not allow our wounds to be cleansed.
When my husband left, I was overwhelmed with shock and grief. I was five months pregnant and suddenly alone, abandoned by the one person I thought would always be there for me, the one person I loved above any other. The pain and fear were palpable and I literally shook for months.
More than anything else, I think I will always remember the shaking. I tried to be understanding and calm and not pressure him. I read books, in fact, I read every book I could get my hands on that dealt with midlife crisis and how to save your marriage and followed the advice as well as I could.
Some days I succeeded better than others.
No matter what I did however, there was no turning my husband back to me, to our children, or to the Lord. He chose his own path, and God let him do it.
This caused so many issues for me. God had the power to put an end to my suffering, to my children’s suffering and yet he chose not to. He knew we hurt but stood idly by – or so I thought at the time.
I needed to forgive my husband for his actions, but I also needed to forgive myself and most importantly to forgive God for not jumping in and accepting my solution to this problem. And then I needed to grow a bit more and forgive myself for thinking God needed forgiveness and instead to learn to trust him.
Forgiveness often involves forgiving more than the person who hurt you. Forgiveness is never easy and may require you to look at things in a new way, but forgiveness is good and it is healing.
Who can you forgive today?