Sometimes it’s hard to be a single mom smiling and today I blew it.
My husband and I had almost completed our big, beautiful dream home when he left. He is a carpenter which allowed us do a lot of the work ourselves so, even though we had been living in the house for about five years, it was just beginning to be the dream home we had envisioned when he suddenly abandoned us. The house still needed a lot of work, and I just could not do it on my own.
Due to his lack of child support, my boys and I could not afford heat and, in the home with an open floor plan and high ceilings, we spent many days being very cold and moved to this little house from our dream home. Sometimes the stress of moving from a 4000 square foot home to a 1600 square foot home with five young boys is overwhelming.
I found the above draft from October 16, 2011 and, other than correcting a few grammatical mistakes, I left it pretty much as I found it. I decided to publish it because it shows the ability of time and God to wash away our worries. Less than a year later, and I have no idea how I blew it! Whatever I did, and it was something which obviously made me feel terrible at the time, it is gone now. That is not to say that my blowing it does not matter or that I should not work hard to correct mistakes I’ve made, but it does mean that time and God’s goodness can heal wounds.
Three years after my husband’s abandonment, I know I will never entirely lose that kicked-in-the-gut feeling I had upon hearing my husband say he was leaving or being served divorce papers or knowing he was moving in with her or sending my children to stay with this stranger, but I can hand over my pain to God and learn from my mistakes and know that time and God’s love do ease the gaping wounds life hands us if we seek them. No matter how I blow it, God can use it for good.
I will forgive myself for whatever I blew that day. Will you do the same?