In many cases of marital abandonment, the husband or wife has committed infidelity, so when my husband said he was leaving, I had to know if he was cheating on me with another woman. I asked if his leaving had anything to do with a woman he had recently reconnected with on Facebook. That was when I found out Facebook, which had recently been labeled in the news as dangerous to Marriages, had helped destroy another relationship; this time it was ours. My husband was cheating on me with another woman, a woman he reconnected with on Facebook.
Let me explain about this Facebook connection…Although I had never met her, this woman invited herself into our marriage and became the proverbial “other woman.” The idea that my husband would be unfaithful was a foreign concept to me because I had loved and trusted him completely.
Sometimes I feel pretty stupid about that now, but I hope if someone sees these things happening in her Marriage she can be prepared and stop the devastation before total destruction takes place.
On Mother’s Day 2009, I was five months pregnant and scared. It was the day I was told my husband was leaving, and I needed to confront the fact that his infidelity was involved.
My husband cheated on me with another woman.
I could not wrap my head around my husband’s infidelity. We’d had our ups and downs as all marriages do, and I had thought the past year had been a really good one. Even as he was giving me his, “I don’t love you anymore” speech, he was saying that I was a good friend, one of his best. I thought part of being married was being friends and part of being friends was loving one another and doing what was good for each other. How was my husband currently acting as my friend, never mind my spouse?
There are no words to express the pain and confusion these situations bring to their victims!
Marriage is about more than just friendship, but I was also pregnant, so sexual intimacy had been a very recent part of our relationship. Would I have liked more excitement and candlelight, romance and dream vacations? Yes! There were times I would have given anything for just five minutes of peace and quiet alone together, but we had four young boys, my husband worked all the time, and the pregnancy had left me extremely ill and the baby and I were facing medical complications. I made the mistake of thinking my husband and I were both looking forward to the romance I hoped would come eventually when the kids were older and the house was more “done.”
When I asked my husband about the other woman he admitted he had been seeing her, getting together for drinks etc.
I was in shock. He had been getting together for drinks with another woman while I cared for our four young boys, worked at two small part time jobs, handled all the bills, lawn care, shopping, cooking, cleaning, and other household functions?While also experiencing a difficult pregnancy???
The man I loved wouldn’t do that to anyone, much less his own wife and family.
It was true, and suddenly, I no longer knew anything about the person I had thought hung the sun in the sky every day. Quickly and over time I would know about a lot of other, bigger things.
I would face changes I never thought possible. I would eventually meet the other woman in my husband’s life and worse, in my children’s lives. For six long years, I would raise our children with almost no help from my husband who I saw as a stranger now. I would discover custody can be used as a weapon, and things would get harder rather than better. I would learn that I never really knew my husband. I would hurt and cry and shout and feel nothing at all at times.
Through it all, I would learn what I am made of.
I would learn how valuable my friends are and how strong and lovable and amazing and inspirational my children are. I would learn more about what a successful marriage is (and what it is not) than I had learned in the 17 years my husband and I had been together. I would learn about understanding the mistakes I had made and vow never to repeat them.
Most of all, I would learn about the true love from God who is never unfaithful to His children.
He answered, “Anyone who divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery against her.”
Mark 10: 11
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