It Will Get Better Soon Part II – “Final” Divorce Trial Again or Maybe Not?!

Court Room
This courthouse is no longer in use. Perhaps we need to return to old fashioned values and justice.

The Divorce Trial Comes…and Goes

Judges don’t want to deal with matrimonial disputes and divorce, but they need to know that half the people involved usually don’t want to deal with matrimonial disputes and divorce either.

The only reason I can see anyone putting their divorce case up for trial must be because they are as desperate for help as I was when we were scheduled to have our hearing last August. I was glad to finally look forward to an end and getting my life back on track.

And then when we were rescheduled for September I thought, “Okay, that’s not too bad.”

And then when we were rescheduled for two days in January, I thought, “Well, at least if it’s scheduled for two days we can’t be turned away.”

I was a Catholic who didn’t believe in divorce, but I also needed that trial to get child support. When I filed the contempt motion because my husband had not been paying court mandated child support, I thought I’d get some relief, but was told the judicial system and those enforcing child support cannot enforce pending supreme court actions.

In retribution, my husband filed contempt charges against me for not paying the mortgage and sending our home into foreclosure. I was astounded. How could I pay mortgage without mandated support and the mortgage had been his responsibility. He was already five months behind when the judge finally answered my request for support.

I waited for the judge to at the very least strongly suggest that my husband begin paying. He did not. He put off the contempt motion until the final divorce trial date and said with a grin that he was being transferred back to his home court. The divorce trial would be heard by a new judge.

Thank you, Sir. I wish you understood how challenging raising five children with little support and an abusive, absentee husband can be. You were appointed to offer fair and impartial justice but you put off the case. Is it because you, like so many, do not want to be involved in matrimonial disputes?Well, that’s too bad. It’s your job. You, Sir, did not do your job and it is costing me more than financial devastation.

The “Final” Divorce Trial Arrives

We sat in the courthouse hallway for an entire day Wednesday and were finally called at a little after 4. Judge DiBella took our attorneys into his chamber and literally yelled loud enough for all to hear for over thirty minutes about how we needed to come up with our own solutions. He told them that we did not have enough money to fight over and he was not interested in transportation issues.

Our attorneys were told to come back and work things out at 10 Thursday morning. Judge DiBella said if we could not come up with a solution on our own, he would set the trial date for a year from now.

I tried not to think about how my husband could decide to stop paying support altogether or how there would be little I could do to prevent this. No support for one year or more if the trial was put off again??? Where was the justice meant to help people like my children and me?

With a pending supreme court action, child support cannot be enforced and I strongly suggest women take the matter into their own hands and file for support as soon as possible in family court. With a family court order, child support can be enforced.

I decided to see if I could use this year to my advantage. My husband is in a rush to get divorced. I am a single mom ready to get on with my life, but could care less either way (well that’s not exactly true but close anyway). At this point “divorced” is just a hollow descriptor to what I am.

Maybe he would be more willing to negotiate knowing his divorce could be put off another year.

I went home and wrote my list of demands. A few I am willing to negotiate on a bit, but at this point, I am done negotiating too much. For almost three years now, I have done the best I could although I admit there are times I should have done better. I gave the attorney my list of what the boys and I need to get our lives back on track.

My husband denied all of them and continued to offer little.

My attorney and I stopped trying to negotiate with the un-negotiable, and entered the courtroom to wait while other cases were called.

Enter Again Judge Robert DiBella

In amazement, I sat listening to the most arrogant individual I have ever laid eyes on debase and humiliate those whose cases appeared ahead of me in DiBella’s courtroom. I have never in my life watched someone as horrible as Judge DiBella, and it wasn’t to one or two cases. The man was despicable to absolutely everyone appearing in front of him and I sat wondering how this man could have been appointed to the bench. People who use their power to put down others are shameful.

I was embarrassed for this judge whom I am sure does not even realize the total lack of respect anyone sitting there had for him. He had control, but no respect.

My stomach turned, but I thought of the verse I had read on Wisdom earlier. I would not be made to give in because of this intimidating man.

I looked up at the In God We Trust sign over Judge DiBella’s head and was amazed at how far my faith had brought me. Two years earlier I sat in that same courtroom before a much less intimidating and far more respected judge and shook like a leaf in the wind, but this day I sat knowing I was worth something because God created me in his image and likeness and NO ONE can take that away no matter what other temporary power they think they hold.

We again waited hours, and Judge DiBella did not hear the case. Finally my husband’s attorney asked for a conference. The lawyers were called in and told they would receive a trial on the contempt motion only at the beginning of February and that neither would be happy.

And that’s the way it was left.


And I sit here, knowing God will take care of me but at the same time hurting and so sorry for the millions of women and children worldwide, and even in our own amazing United States of America, who do not have the faith and support I have.

How can our justice system be so unjust? Where was my right to a fair a speedy trial? Perhaps I would have been better off as a criminal? What happens to those women and children without my abilities, connections, and faith? What is our responsibility to them? What can I do? What can you do?

In my prayers… God Bless… ______________________________________________

Saturday posts are whatever I feel like discussing. There are so many injustices within our judicial system I could write tomes about them! This is also a continuation of my Weekly Recap of the Life of a Single Mom from Friday, January 20, 2012. Please feel free to add your own comments and keep smiling through it all!  🙂

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