If you are suffering, facing uncertainty in your marriage, unsure of how your marriage will look five years, or even five minutes, from now, asking yourself daily, “Should I get a divorce?” then you already know how devastating marriage problems can be on yourself, your spouse, your children, and, in fact, your entire community.
Marriage problems are like the pebble thrown in a pond. The ripples may not hit those far from the point of impact as severely as those swimming near the impact site, but, in one way or another, the breakdown of marriage does affect all of society in its ever widening circle.
However, divorce is not a pebble tossed into that pond; it is a mountain.
Friday, January 17th, we looked at how Jesus’ suffering in the Garden of Gethsemane must have felt and how that suffering might be similar to that of an unhappily married couple, but there was one all important difference: Jesus knew the outcome of His fate. He knew He would die on that Cross.
You may be beyond asking the question, “Should I get a divorce?” and think divorce is inevitable, and it may be,
But it may not be too.
Should I Get a Divorce? That’s Not the Right Question.
Too often we think divorce is the only answer. If we are miserable in a situation, we too often give up, but what if we are asking the wrong question? What if instead of asking Should I get a divorce, we asked the following of ourselves.
- Do I tend to blame others for things I might change?
- Do I listen to naysayers, those who put down my spouse?
- Do I seek friendships with those who sympathize with my annoyances without gently calling me out on them?
- Do I often think the easy way out is through separate doors and onto separate lives?
- If I were my spouse, would I want to come home to me every day?
If you answered yes to any of the first four questions and no to the last, you may be sinking into a pit of negativity and dooming your own future. No matter what marriage problems you face, that doesn’t benefit you in the long run.
Look yourself in the mirror and ask yourself, “How can I change me?” It can be scary to face yourself, but take an honest inventory of what you like about yourself and what you don’t.
Whether your marriage truly is doomed to failure or not, whether your spouse files for a divorce or withdraws the papers is almost irrelevant. Changing your behavior for the better makes a better you; that better you will last no matter what others do around you or to you.
Don’t seal your fate; love who you are and, even more importantly, love who you are becoming.
You are in charge of your own self. You can do this!
Only God knows your future.