My Year in Review – A Year in the Life of a Single Mother October Through December 2011

Balancing the scales
If only the scales of justice were truly balanced…

Our Personal Life

October – November – December:  Disillusionment With the Court System Increases

I became more disillusioned with our court system as the Judge announced our divorce trial would again be put off – this time until January. I really needed the tens of thousands of dollars in back court ordered child support, daycare, and other fees, but even court ordered payments are not enforceable with a pending supreme court action and the idea that any father is better than no father means visitation is never connected to child support.

All of which puts the monied spouse at an advantage. I was discovering how ruthless and uncaring the father of my children could be. I filed a Motion for an Order of Contempt to try to get financial relief. We appeared in court a few days before Christmas, but it was only to set a date for the Motion involving the Order of Contempt to be heard. I desperately wanted the judge to (at the very least) look my husband in the eye and say, “I ordered you to pay this amount. It would look better for you if you did.”

Instead, my husband filed his own Motion for an Order of Contempt against me for failing to pay the mortgage.

Huh??? I was astounded.

What was I supposed to pay with?

Besides that, the judge had given the responsibility of paying the mortgage to me because my husband was already over six months behind. The bank no longer wanted to work out a plan; it wanted payment in full:  not possible. 

In addition, I had tried to sell the home and, even in this tough market, had a buyer, but my husband said he wanted more money despite the fact that local real estate agents said it was not worth more. I wondered if he really did not prefer to have a foreclosure on his record since he didn’t need his credit rating for a house, a car, and a job like I did and had his wealthy girlfriend to pay for everything.  On top of that, any profit we made would have gone to pay the over $70,000 we had borrowed from my mother to build the house and to buy a car a few years earlier.

The judge literally grinned as he announced that he was being transferred back to his home court and would not hear any more of our case. I cannot help but think he had put our case off on purpose since most judges do not want to get involved in domestic disputes. I thought of the thousands of dollars I could not afford and how close I am to having to settle because I cannot pay attorney fees while my husband makes over $100000 and can drag the case on – something I am wondering if he has planned all along.

Proud of my Son

November and December were also difficult for Matt, my seventh grader, who was cut from his school basketball team. He’s a skinny little kid, but man, can he see the court and read the opposition! He’s not flashy or your highest scorer but for a coach who wants substance, this kid’s got it. Unfortunately it can be overlooked with 50 kids in a 3 day tryout. He was made team manager which was almost as devastating as not making the team at all.

I hold no animosity for the coach but wish things were different. Matt has said that, at the practices in which he is allowed to play with the other guys, he will work 200% while they goof off and give 75%.

He will continue to grow both on and off the court.

I would have been happier for him if he had made it, but I couldn’t be prouder of him.

Should Old Acquaintances Be Forgot…Never!

A teacher never forgets her first class. For me, it was my 5th grade class in a Catholic school in Charlotte, North Carolina. I loved Charlotte, the Catholic school system, the people I worked with, and, most of all, my students.

And I was now blessed by a reunion with a star student!

As a fifth grader, Joe was a round, freckle faced, sweet, super-intelligent kid who I knew was going places. His shy smile lit up the room, and I adored him.

When he looked me up on Facebook I was thrilled. I was even more thrilled to find out what a fine young man he had become. I was so happy to know he had turned out well despite a few rough punches thrown at him recently.

On a purely selfish note, I was beyond smiling to know I had made a difference in this young man’s life. It did my heart good to know he had thought so highly of me and that he thought enough of me to look me up after all these years.

Thanks Joe. You made a difference in my life too.

Farewell 2011

And that is my year in review. While it does not hit everything, I covered things that struck me the most. If there is something, you feel I should add, please leave a comment. Thanks for listening and to all the folks in Georgia, the woman in the historic site, for my boys and my mother, for Joe, and for all of you who make a difference for the better in my life or in another’s life…thank you for 2011 and May God Bless You with Peace in 2012.

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Links to All Posts in this Series:

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God Bless…

My Year in Review - World Events - October Through December
I Was Pregnant and Single and Shaking