The Parable of the Sower from yesterday’s Gospel gave us several different scenarios:
[Jesus said]
A sower went out to sow.
And as he sowed, some seed fell on the path, and birds came and ate it up.
Some fell on rocky ground, where it had little soil. It sprang up at once because the soil was not deep, and when the sun rose it was scorched, and it withered for lack of roots.
Some seed fell among thorns, and the thorns grew up and choked it.
But some seed fell on rich soil, and produced fruit, a hundred or sixty or thirtyfold.”
Matthew 13: 3-8After my husband left, I spent hours, or was it days, weeks, or even months, wondering what had happened to his faith. Despite going through 12 years of Catholic school, his faith in God was weak. He’d claimed I brought him to faith and then ruined faith for him, but I look back now over the years at red flags I should have taken more notice of and at my own weakness, my own feeble faith and I wonder about the seeds each of us sowed and at the ground those seeds were planted in.
If I follow his suggestion that my leading him to faith planted the Seed of the Word of God in him, then I found myself also asking…
Was he the path and were the birds who came to eat up the little bit of faith I planted, devils of temptation in the forms of greed, lust, and pride?
And why did I stop at just a little bit of seed? Why hadn’t I planted so much that it couldn’t be stolen away?
Was he the rocky ground, his faith able to spring up but unable to take root in a hardened heart scarred beyond what I could repair?
Should I have looked for a more open, richer, more giving soil to trust my harvest to in the first place? Should I have turned more to God and asked more for His help? Did I think I was the sower?
Was he the rich soil but caught hanging out with weeds in the form of some of his friendships and other women?
Should I have gone with him when he went out – or would I have been weakened only to fall into the same traps laid out for him? Who would have been home then to help plant the seeds in our children?
Perhaps I will never know the answers to so many questions, but that is okay with me. It’s not for me to judge. It is not for me to question. It is for God to sort out, and every day, I pray that my husband allows the Word of God to fall on him and to take firm root. I could not help him with this journey, but his journey is not over, and nothing is beyond God’s capabilities.
In the meantime, it is easy for those of us who remain faithful to look at this last line:
But some seed fell on rich soil, and produced fruit, a hundred or sixty or thirtyfold.”
And think that is the line meant for us, but that is too easy.
As human beings we are fallible, and we must be careful not to get caught up in pride, especially the pride of Faith because pride has a way of making us believe our abilities come from us rather than from God, and pride has a way of making us take a fall.
The Lord wants those who Love and follow Him to produce fruit, a hundred or sixty or thirtyfold – or, in some cases, five boys fold! 😉 – but nothing is guaranteed.
While we are on this earth, our seeds are still being sown.
Our garden is not fully grown, not yet ready to harvest,
And so we must keep tending to it.
We must be watchful of ourselves, that we chase away temptations such as greed, lust, and pride disguised as innocent birds.
We must keep our soil rich through prayer, meditation, adoration, and fellowship.
We must stay pluck ourselves from the weeds by forming friendships with those who move our journey along the right path for eternity, by prayerfully removing those who slow us down or block our way entirely, and by freeing ourselves of entanglements by confessing our sins when we are led into darkness.
My heart and soul have received the seed of the Word of God, but I must be constantly diligent in tending to those seeds of my faith.
The seed I have been given is no better than my husband’s. I am no better than my husband, but I will choose to till my garden tirelessly and ask the Lord to help me blossom.
And I will be forever thankful
for both the rain and the sun He allows in my life.
If you are dealing with a difficult person, pray that God continues to plant His seed in you and that the Garden of His Love grows stronger in you so that others (including those who persecute you) want to Bloom in His Love as well.
God Bless…
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I am glad you stopped by my site today with your comments. I never would have come to your site otherwise. My heart goes out to you today. I have walked where you walk and been where you are. With perhaps one exception, I became bitter for many years and angry that God would allow such a thing to take place. It took me many years and a lot of pain for God to do the great work He has done in me and bring me to the place I was willing to listen. I am so grateful for His loving kindness and patience that never gave up. He has restored to me all the years the locusts have eaten and while life is not always perfect, I know that I can trust my Father with everything I have within me. I look forward to following you and your blog and I will be holding you up in prayer as you are brought to mind.
Blessings,
Shari
Shari, thank you so much for stopping by and even more for sharing a bit of yourself. I am so sorry that you understand too well what that abandonment and betrayal are like. I understand about being angry and bitter. I was SO angry with God. I was youth minister of our church. My husband and I said dinner prayers together sitting next to each other and holding hands every night, we went to church together every Sunday. How could this have happened???
I definitely made mistakes, but all I ever wanted was to be Loved by him. His leaving was by far the hardest thing I have ever gone through (and I’ve been through some rough times!) I was so upset with God! (You might want to check out A is for Abandoned But Not Alone). It gives a quick glimpse into how I reacted, throwing the Crosses off my wall and across the backyard etc. Not moments I’m proud of by any means.
I don’t know how much of our story you’ve gotten to, but I was also pregnant with our 5th little boy at the time. What a Blessing that Little Surprise Gift from God has turned out to be!!! I couldn’t figure out why God had allowed me to be pregnant then when life had just gotten easier, but after my husband left, there was so much to Live for! I believe God saw what my husband was doing and kept him around just long enough to give me that little baby and then removed him before the baby was even born.
It’s hard to explain in one comment, but as beautiful as that Gift has been, I do understand the bitterness and anger but also the Joy and LOVE that comes from moving on and Trusting – really trusting! – in God. I Love what you said about the locusts and God restoring all that has been eaten away. That is exactly it! Life is not always easy, but I have a certain peace now, despite financial worries and some exhaustion, that I never had when I was with my husband. I so appreciate your prayers for my boys and for me and will add you to mine as well. God Bless…