“Mel is a whore.
I hope you don’t have to give your kids to that whore.
I can’t wait until she experiences the same (or worse)
situation from that monster you divorced.”
Sarah (4/24/2012)
The above is a comment I received in my inbox a few days ago in response to a post I had written many months ago entitled, Finding Out My Husband Cheated On Me With Another Woman. I feel like it deserves more than a quick acknowledgement and approval. I want to explain to Sarah and (possibly – GULP) apologize to Mel. It took some serious soul searching on my part to decide whether or not to approve the comment and whether or not to pull the original post.
I’ve come a long way since writing the post which inspired Sarah’s response and am wondering what my motivation was at the time. I am guessing that on at least some level Sarah’s is exactly the response I was hoping for and maybe it is exactly the response some deep dark part of me still wants. I must admit that, sadly, some part of me agrees with Sarah and wants to add more to what she has said.
I by no means like Mel or can understand or excuse what she has done. I wonder often what kind of woman sleeps with a pregnant woman’s husband and thinks it’s okay. I wonder if she knows the intensity of the pain I had when I found out my husband cheated on me with another woman and that she was the other woman! I wonder how she faces my children or expects them to learn values (Yes, Sarah, unfortunately, I do have to give them to her and my soon to be ex. Our court system is incredibly evil in too many cases).
There is a fine line between wanting to share your pain as a beacon of empathy for others and as a release for yourself and wanting to vent so other people will agree that your ex is a horrible person. I am honestly not sure why I wrote that piece. I would like to say it was to provide a glimpse into my life and provide much needed empathy to another suffering individual, but I am not sure.
Sarah, I am guessing you found my site because of some experience you or a friend has had. Everyone’s pain is unique, but I know I was literally devastated and still feel sick to my stomach when I think of what Mel has helped do to our family. She has changed, not only my life, but my children’s lives forever, and that is a hard pill to swallow.
I wonder how we got from stoning adultresses and pinning scarlet As on their chests to singing songs about them and demanding that they be understood and consoled. I often do not understand our society, but I am coming to understand that even Mel is a child of God. It is not up to me to judge her. It is up to God, and I have to accept that.
I often grit my teeth and pray for Mel too. Part of me does believe me ex will do something like this to her (and again, sadly, part of me wants that to happen), but another part of me never wants anyone to feel the pain I felt when he walked out. If I am to believe Mel is my sister in Christ, I must treat her better than I did in that article.
Ugh! It makes me so mad sometimes to think of forgiving her, especially when the pain she has inflicted will last for decades and possibly generations, but I know I must. Not for her, but for myself and for my children and because I can never know what is in another’s heart.
Sarah, SingleMomSmiling is something I care deeply about. Thank you for bringing me back and I pray that I find the right words to help others while sharing the pain and spotlighting the injustices. This article invoked anger in you and for that I ask your forgiveness. Just as Mel hurt our family, invoking anger in you does not help you or me in the way I hoped this website would. Please keep in touch!
God Bless…