Taking Saint Joseph as the Leader of Your Home this Father’s Day

One of my sons caught me looking through online dating profiles a few years after my husband left. I wasn’t particularly interested in dating at the time, but I wanted to see who else was out there. I wondered if there were possibilities for me. Exhausted, I silently asked if anyone would ever take on a single mom of five boys. I was alone, confused, and heartbroken. I desperately craved being wanted and loved.

There are many reasons I should not have considered dating back then, but one I did not expect is that one of my sons would get his hopes up.

In the early years after divorce, I didn’t take a lot of time for myself, but on this particular day I felt I needed an escape and so…I fell. I wasted time swiping through dating profiles hoping someday, someone would find value in me. I wanted an end to the devastation I had felt since my husband had shattered the hearts of my children and me.

Caught in my own little darkness, I didn’t notice my son come up behind me until he asked what I was doing.

His voice, so innocent and sweet, hit me like a gut punch.

I should have been doing a million things and none of them involved looking at men’s dating profiles.

I was left with a dilemma. I could lie and save face or tell him the truth and admit I was wrong.

I swallowed hard and gave him truth.

I said I was thinking about maybe dating again someday. Before I could finish, he grabbed me in the biggest hug his little arms could handle. With a huge grin on his face, he said how happy he was to hear that because he had been wanting a dad back home for a “long time.” He said he wanted a real dad to do things his friends were doing with their dads. He quickly told me some of the things he had been missing out on and how sad he had been because of it.

He then scampered off happily dreaming of his imaginary new dad and how great our family would be when his mom finally found a replacement father.

My heart dropped. He didn’t know life doesn’t work that way, and I didn’t know how to tell him. I also didn’t know if I should tell him or if I should start finding someone to fill the absent father shoes.

That conversation probably did a lot of damage to both of us.

Let me restate that.

The conversation didn’t cause damage.

The conversation was honest.

What caused damage was my attempting to soothe my hurt with men who are not designed to fill such a hole in a woman’s heart. Damage was caused by my looking outward instead of upward, by seeking a man over prayer, winning spiritual battles, and mothering.

My heart still hurts to think of this sweet boy and the loneliness that followed for both – or all – of us.

Saint Joseph in the Father’s Role: What Catholic Single Moms Need to Know

I was wrong in looking to date back then, but God works in mysterious ways. Even when we fall, as I did in this case, Our Lord transforms us when we are open to Him.

In this example, a man whose profile interested me pushed me deeper in my Catholic faith. After corresponding briefly, this man asked if I had an annulment. When I responded that I didn’t, he thanked me for my time and kindly let me know not having an annulment was a deal breaker.

At the time, I didn’t understand the purpose of an annulment and was beginning to realize how little I understood of our Catholic faith and of God’s plan for Marriage and family.

I had lost the opportunity to date this man, but I had gained an interest in diving deeper into God’s plan for Marriage. I wanted to know what makes a good wife and mother and also what makes a good husband and father.

Eventually, that interest led me to Saint Joseph.

I began hearing other women talk about taking Saint Joseph into their homes. They spoke of asking the foster father of Jesus to be the foster father of their children and sometimes of them too. They spoke of leaning on this good, big, strong carpenter. I began hearing Father Donald Calloway talk of consecration to Jesus through Saint Joseph.

But I had no idea what any of it meant.

Maybe that’s where you are too.

Maybe you’re feeling a lost or overwhelmed. Maybe you’re scared and overwhelmed and wish you had someone to lean on. Maybe you’re sinking in doubt and wondering if anyone will ever love you. Maybe you’re crying out in pain and confusion, uncertain of how to raise children without the father you thought they’d have. Maybe you’re wondering how to give your children an example of what a real man looks like.

That’s where Saint Joseph comes in!

Saint Joseph is the role model of a good husband and father, and Our Lord wants us to love him.

We know Our Lord would approve of our loving Saint Joseph and taking him into our hearts and homes because God, who is Love, created us to love. He wants us to love Him first and best as Jesus tells us, but He also wants us to love our neighbors as ourselves. These are Jesus’s two greatest commandments; both rooted in love. God gives us the Sacrament of Marriage so we learn how to live sacrificial love in heroic moments and in mundane daily actions. When we fall, Our Lord offers us mercy. Through His Love we are invited back to Love.

Jesus goes so far as to tell us to love even our enemies!

Knowing life continues after earthly death, we know Saint Joseph is still very much alive. He is still very much our neighbor and we are still very much commanded to love him.

Mary and Jesus were conceived without sin. Saint Joseph was not blessed with the gift of sinlessness. This means he must have faced (and fallen) to temptation. He must have struggled with the same sins many men and women struggle with today. He must have battled the same ancient enemy still wreaking havoc in our homes.

Yet, Saint Joseph persevered.

He battled demons so fiercely he became known by the title “Terror of Demons,” but that title carries no cruelty to the innocent. Saint Joseph is also known by character traits he displays – most just, most chaste, most strong, most obedient, and most faithful among others. He is known by titles of Mirror of Patience, Solace of the Wretched, Hope of the Sick, and Patron of the Dying.

Most importantly in my opinion, he is known by the title, Spouse of the Mother of God, Chaste Guardian of the Virgin, Foster Father of the Son of God, Diligent Protector of Christ, and Protector of the Holy Church.

Saint Joseph gets masculinity right.

He doesn’t need to be in the spotlight. In fact, he says not a single recorded word in the Bible, yet his simple obedience and courage speak volumes for what a real man should be.

Saint Joseph is the ultimate human provider and protector, a man so humble and so great he alone could be chosen to be the guardian of God, the protector of the One sent to protect all mankind from certain everlasting destruction, death, and decay.

How to Take Saint Joseph into Your Heart and Home

Taking Saint Joseph into your home is simpler than you might expect. Simply is not always easy though. It’s also not a once and done thing.

In Heaven, all our sins, faults, and shortcomings will be gone. We become, not less of who we are meant to be, but more of it! This is true of Saint Joseph too.

That means Saint Joseph is more powerful and more ready, willing, and able to combat demons than he ever was on Earth. He not only lives out the virtues of justice, chastity, strength, obedience, and faith in eternity, but he is thrilled to help others live them out too. He offers patience, solace, and hope to those of us who would otherwise be dying in this weak and tempting world.

Saint Joseph more perfectly desires to fulfill the wishes of his bride, the Blessed Mother, and his Son, Jesus his own Savior! Joseph is unencumbered by fear or lust or greed or any of the temptations that have plagued man since the beginning of time.

Saint Joseph simply exists to do His Lord’s bidding, and His Lord is Our Lord and Our Lord’s bidding is to bring His sheep back into the fold. Our Lord will send Saint Joseph where he is called for.

That means it really is as simple as inviting Saint Joseph to come into your heart and home. It’s as simple as asking him to slay demons and watch over your children when they are in your care and when they are away. It’s as simple as asking Saint Joseph to work in tireless union with Saint Michael and the other Heavenly Angels and Saints to protect and provide for your family. It’s a simple as asking him to guard your hearts, your tongues, you finances, your mindset, and a plethora of other parts of your existence which may be subject to attack.

But simple is not always easy.

Just because you ask for Saint Joseph to deliver something does not always mean it’s going to happen just as you wish or in the timing you’d like. Sometimes Saint Joseph knows you ask expecting favors to be granted as if favors from God were magic spells. Simply put, don’t do that.

Sometimes we ask for things that are not in the best interest of our eternal souls. This can be hard for us to see at the time. I think of all the men, women, and children who have begged Our Lord to put their families back together. This is a request that seems to be in alignment with Our Lord’s plan. He is actively involved in the exchange of vows, in the Sacrament of Marriage and the creation of life in the womb, yet many of those prayers seem to fall on deaf ears.

That is not so. The truth is twofold. First, Our Lord gives us the gift of free will. He allows us to make sinful decisions even when those decisions hurt others as in when a marital bond is destroyed. Even in these cases though, Our Lord sees things we cannot. He sees ways to invite the hurting parties more deeply into His eternal Love when they seek that it. In situations like this, Saint Joseph, who is always obedient to Our Lord, will not grant you the first wish, but he will assist you in drawing closer to the Lord.

A Final Word About Saint Joseph & Fatherhood

We often want things to go a certain way. When they don’t, it is tempting to question God or to fall to victimhood mentality, yet the Holy Family gives us a beautiful example of life that didn’t go according to childhood dreams. Their reality was much more terrible, more beautiful, and more loving than Mary and Joseph ever could have imagined when they first got together.

Saint Joseph became our greatest male Saint, not because he was perfect, but because he was persevering. He persevered in faith. He persevered in love. He persevered in trust. He persevered in protection. He persevered in a myriad of ways that raised Jesus to be the Man He came to Earth to be.

While Jesus is fully God, He also needed to be fully Man to atone for the sins of man and heal the wounds of man. When planning the Incarnation, Jesus Himself selected Saint Joseph to be his earthly guardian, His provider, His Protector, His Teacher.

This is why Saint Joseph is so powerful in our homes. This is why Saint Joseph is also known by the titles of Light of Patriarchs, Glory of Home Life, and Pillar of Families. The person who consecrates her family to Saint Joseph wants her family to be as close to this spiritual father as possible. Saint Joseph in turn then actively shares his virtue and holiness in our hearts and in our homes. He, in his glorified Saintly existence, is more powerful, more giving, more courageous, and more loving than he was 2,000+ years ago.

Saint Joseph is exponentially more powerful today than he was when he walked this Earth. He wants to be invited in, not as some magic rabbit’s foot, but as one who has walked the path where demons attack families and who, through God’s Grace, has won the battle.

So when life seems to be more than you can handle, when you are fearful of the next shoe dropping, when you worry about kids and your fatherless home, invite Saint Joseph in. Realize the depth of the spiritual battle we are in, of the cruelty of the enemies we face, and of the power of God Almighty to give us warriors in this fight and to conquer defeat with Love.

Healing doesn’t happen instantly. Peace doesn’t arrive in a day. Children don’t learn to follow truth overnight. It all happens as they watch how you move through your day. They see when you move through your day in chaos and fear, and they see when you move in gentle trust. You don’t have to do that alone. Lean on Saint Joseph. Ask him to lead your children when you cannot. Seek his help with your ex too. While you may not want him back, remember, this is a long game and eternity is even longer. Pray for his healing.

One last word…Saint Joseph is silent and often overlooked, but he never lets being overlooked or even unappreciated deter him from his mission and love. He is a model for you when you feel the same. He is the model for you on painful days and on those nights when you lay awake rehashing the day and wishing things were different, when you lay your head on your pillow alone yet again doubting whether you made the right decision for one of your kids, when you toss and turn crying out to the Lord in confusion, terror, and pain. Saint Joseph, the Saint who heard from God in his dreams, trusted in His Voice, and never hesitated to obey, is there to provide refuge both in the moment and at the moment of death.

This Father’s Day, invite Saint Joseph to be the head of your home, and on those sleepless nights, hold a Blessed Rosary in your hands and ask this powerful Saint to chase demons that lurk, haunt, and threaten away. Ask Saint Joseph to help you find peace and sleep as he does. Ask him, along with your Angel Guardian, to watch over you and your children and know he is happy to fill that role.

And sometimes that good night’s sleep is what we need to find peace in the morning.

God Bless…

Kerri