In the movie The Ten Commandments, Moses led the Jewish people out of slavery and away from the Egyptian pharoah, but the journey to freedom was not easy. There were moments the people thought all was lost and could see no light at the end of the tunnel. They questioned, doubted, hurt, and grew angry.
At one point, a follower asks Moses why he had led them from Egypt saying they had been better off as slaves.
There have been times in my life, I could not help thinking along those lines too. I pitied myself for a situation I had no control over and questioned God’s plan for my children and me.
As a wife, there were many times I felt not good enough. I could not understand why I was not valued more or why my husband paid no attention to me. There was no physical abuse in our relationship, but he often did not come home and seldom did things which would have meant a lot to me. When I dared ask for something, I was ridiculed. When I needed him, he was not there for me. He would turn things around so my requests resulted in harsh criticism and painful accusations.
The confusion and disappointment, the feeling of not being good enough was difficult to say the least and yet, much like the follower who questioned Moses’ leadership, I would have stayed with him forever.
When he left, I was, as Moses said, ‘…still thinking like a slave. When someone strikes a slave they cower and keep their backs bent, “please don’t hit me again,” even as they are being beaten to death.’
Even now, I have moments where I think I would prefer to be a slave. I was safe in knowing what I would and would not receive in that capacity.
Now there are questions at every turn.
I am still sorry my husband chose the route he did. I wonder how our life would have been different if he had chosen to pay attention to me the way he does to his other woman. I still do not understand why nothing I did was ever good enough or what he wanted or how I could have given that to him.
Like a slave, I would have done anything for him. Like a slave who suddenly finds her freedom, I can be confused and scared, not knowing if the next hand which seems benevolent will actually be another uncaring dictator whom I cannot possibly please.
In my present life, I am totally reliant on God and the choices I make to provide for my boys and me, and that is a scary thought. God and I alone are responsible for the direction life is taking us. There is no one to turn to at the end of the day. Decisions are mine. Responsibilities are mine. Opportunities are mine.
Freedom from slavery is a long, hard road, but it is one worth taking and, while it seemed the boys and I could rely on my husband, his leaving showed the truth we had been blinded to before. We are no longer slaves but a free people.
If your spouse has left you, stop thinking lie a slave. Now you have new opportunities to explore who you can truly become, who you were truly meant to be. Tell yourself every day, tape it to the bathroom mirror, believe it with all your heart.
I am no longer a slave! I am free!!!
To read more interesting quotes from The Ten Commandments, please click here.
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“Therefore, say to the Israelites: ‘I am the LORD, and I will bring you out from under the yoke of the Egyptians. I will free you from being slaves to them, and I will redeem you with an outstretched arm and with mighty acts of judgment.
Exodus 6: 6
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