I sit here writing this post from the family court lobby, waiting for our case to be heard, hoping to collect some back child support and resolve some other outstanding issues. I find myself surprised to be surprised that I am shaking from being here once again. It is amazing that the family court experience never ceases to unnerve me.
So much rides on the outcome of what happens in family court today. Between back child support, taxes, and other issues, literally tens of thousands of dollars will be decided upon today. This judge, a stranger, will look at my husband and at me and decide a the direction of our lives and our children’s lives in about 15 minutes.
I know that when we appear before this judge today, he will listen with human ears, look at our problems with human eyes, weigh the information with a human mind, and then give a verdict, not based on a human heart and certainly not based on God’s heart. At the end of the day, he really knows and cares nothing about our lives.
I have mixed feelings about being judged so unfeelingly. Justice, in family court and elsewhere, must be blind and infallible to the fluctuations of the human heart, but still…
I remind myself that life is not always about feelings. After all, isn’t that what life and faith and yes, even marriage are all about? Aren’t we asked to keep things steady by not being overwhelmed by feelings which come and go. Aren’t we asked to instead following the right path, choosing every day to do what is right over what feels good?
I reflect on this and pray that the judge finds in my favor, but if family court fails me, I will find peace in knowing that someday, there will be another all powerful, all knowing, all just judge who will one day reign over both my husband and myself.
His outcome is incomparable to anything that happens in family court, and for this reason and for His loving goodness, I pray for forgiveness for my part of the imperfections in our marriage. I ask for forgiveness of my sins and pray for the ability to forgive my ex while at the same time, I pray for the strength and serenity to stand up for what is right.