What Does it Mean for a Woman to Stand Firm & Why is it Important?
My biggest life regrets don’t come from doing things I didn’t know were wrong. They come from not standing firm for things I knew were right.
I am not alone in that.
Many women know God’s Commandments. For many of us, it’s not a matter of what to do. It’s a matter of how to do it. The question becomes, not what does God want from us, but whether we’ll remain faithful to His teachings when doing so costs us something.
Will we speak in love when our backs are against the wall?
Will we remain virtuous when gossip is disguised as concern or venting?
Will we remain chaste when desire is strong, when it seems as though everyone else is doing it., or when we don’t believe we are worth waiting for?
Pressure, fear of rejection, a desire to avoid conflict, and wanting to be liked can cause us to compromise our values, our virtue, and ourselves.
The reasons we compromise may be understandable. We don’t want to be seen as pushy when standing firm for our beliefs. We don’t want to seem haughty and arrogant for not following the crowd.
It seems, these women, more so than men, receive backlash, criticism, or isolation for assertive advocacy.
To be fair, some women are all of these things: pushy, haughty, arrogant, and more.
Those women will be answerable for their behavior. This is especially true for women who choose such behavior.
But many women have not been taught what it means to stand firm. Instead they either go on the offensive or give away pieces of themselves until there is little left to stand on.
Standing firm is not being loud, stubborn, or winning every argument. It is not refusing to admit when you’re wrong. It is not desiring the destruction of another.
Standing firm means remaining faithful to what is good, true, and beautiful when pressure makes compromise easier.
Standing firm is often done silently. It is done by quietly stepping off the bandwagon. It is done by gently taking someone’s hand and leading them toward God through eye contact, human touch, active listening, and patience – lots of patience.
Standing firm often means not moving at all.
In Exodus 14 verses 13 and 14, just before the Lord parts the Red Sea to save His people from the Pharaoh and his Egyptian pursuers, Moses tells the Israelites:
“Do not fear! Stand your ground and see the victory the LORD will win for you today. For these Egyptians whom you see today you will never see again. The LORD will fight for you; you have only to keep still.”
Then something amazing happens! The column of cloud and pillar of fire that led the people out of their enslavement, stopped leading. As they stood their ground, Scripture goes on to say in verses 19 and 20:
The angel of God, who had been leading Israel’s army, now moved and went around behind them. And the column of cloud, moving from in front of them, took up its place behind them, so that it came between the Egyptian army and that of Israel. And when it became dark, the cloud illumined the night; and so the rival camps did not come any closer together all night long.
Did you catch that?
When the people stopped letting fear run their actions, the Angel of God circled around them to stand between them and the enemy. When the people stood firm, God’s column shone bright and the enemy did not come any closer.
Notice also, it’s not that the people defeated fear. Maybe they did. Maybe they did not.
Maybe they were afraid. Maybe they were terrified. Maybe they were worried about their children, the sick, and the elderly.
But they did not let fear rule them.
The Israelites did not save themselves. They didn’t have a strategy to defeat Pharaoh. They were stuck between the sea and the Egyptian army.
They simply stood firm.
They let God do the fighting for them.
Of course not every story ends with a miraculous escape. Much of Christian history shows us our best and most holy people do not escape. Instead they are martyred for standing firm.
But this is where our faith is so crystal clear.
We live for so much more than what we see here today!
Those martyrs live on!
Their witness has strengthened the Church and continues to remind us that faithfulness is worth more than self-preservation.
Now, I am not saying we should look forward to martyrdom; hopefully it will not come to that for us.
On the other hand, life gets harder in the future for Christians when we waver on morality and small virtues now.
7 Practices for Learning to Stand Firm When Life Gets Challenging
- Formation Precedes Fortitude – Before taking a stand, know what you are standing for. Humbly examine your feelings, emotions, and even experiences in light of what Scripture teaches, what the Church, and wisdom handed down through the Saints and the early Church.
- Know Thyself – Know your vulnerabilities, and understand how pressure changes your behavior. Are you a people-pleaser? Do you question whether you’re “good enough” to stand alone? Do you go along to get along hoping to avoid confrontation? A daily examination of conscience helps with this.
- Protect Your Freedom – Our Lord gives each of us free will. A woman who cannot say no is surrenders part of her freedom. A woman who changes her convictions because someone questions her is not acting from conviction. A woman who sacrifices her own values to avoid rocking the boat, may have a false appearance of exterior calm at the expense of interior peace. Understand that standing firm is not about controlling others. It’s about governing yourself well.
- Embrace Discomfort – Discomfort doesn’t always mean you have done something wrong. Disappointment and discomfort are part of this life and can be tremendous opportunities for growth. When the other person is angry, you don’t have to give in to anger. When they are disappointed, you can live with that. When they disagree or lash out, you can respond charitably.
- Do Every Act in Love – Nothing in Scripture tells women to sit down, play nice, or give up. Standing firm and acting in love go hand in hand. You cannot have one without the other, and we see them happening many times throughout the Bible. 1 Corinthians 16: 13-14 for example say, “Be on guard. Stand firm in the faith. Be courageous. Be strong. Do everything in love.” The order is important. Love is built when we guard wisdom over emotion, stand firm, and choose courage and strength. They are prerequisites for love as love is a prerequisite for courage and strength.
- Let Go – Let go of control. If it’s not a question of morality or virtue, find value in submitting to others more often than not. We tend to dig our heels in on opinions. We think tasks should be done differently. We believe our way is best when there may be dozens of valid preferences. A woman who refuses to budge or “wins” through humiliating her opponent, is not firm; she is cruel. Learn to let little things go. Ecclesiastes 3:7 speaks of: A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to be silent, and a time to speak. Know what time it is.
- Stay Connected to God – This list begins and ends with God. So often we make our stance about us. We are told to believe in ourselves, be strong, and that we can do anything we put our minds to when we don’t have to manufacture our own strength. Time and again, we are told to put God before doing anything else. One of the best known Scriptures is Ephesians 6 where we are told to: Put on the armor of God so that you may be able to stand firm against the tactics of the devil. Standing firm is far less about ourselves than we mistake it to be. It is always about standing for what God shows to be true.
Standing firm is the cornerstone to being the woman Our Lord created you to be. It requires confidence in conviction and courage under fire. Confidence grows from knowing the Voice of God. Courage grows from practicing faithfulness when you are afraid.
Standing firm is a cornerstone of the Fiercely Formed movement, but there is a lot we can build in ourselves to make standing firm smoother. Next week we will talk about Mindset Metanoia and how knowing we can change helps us change.
In the meantime, your challenge is to find where you are being challenged to stand firm this week. Maybe it’s in a diet or exercise program, in forming a boundary, in building a relationship, or in countless other ways. Start small. Identify the area of need, and put a simple action plan into place.
And remember, sometimes standing firm can simply mean being still and letting God circle around to move others.
God Bless…
Kerri
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