Heidi, your last sentence is repeated by so many hurting women and children. You are so smart to realize you need God. Too many try to face life alone or give up on God when they need Him most. Please realize is that your Father is with you even when He is not seen or heard. You are never alone!
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God Bless you Heidi…
Hello, I came across this blog after reading several others, and your words were very encouraging. I am 30 years old, I have two daughters, 6 and 8 months, pregnant with my third. I’m not sure how far along yet, because I was scared to tell my father, whom I currently stay with. I used to live in (name of city edited for her protection), where I met my husband. I was a single mother of a 4 year old when we met, and I loved him instantly and we took things really fast. We got married a little over a year after meeting, in a quick little wedding at the courthouse. My eyes locked with his, and I never thought he would leave me. Our baby girl was born in December 2012 and was one of the happiest moments of my life, because him and my daughter were there. My first daughter has never met her biological father and her birth was a little sad because there was no one to share my joy with, or compare her looks with. So far this year things have gone downhill so quickly. We both worked together as servers at a restaurant and eventually both had to quit because of the stress. Eventually he got a new job and wanted me to stay at home with the kids but money started to dwindle, so fast, that we pawned every worthy item we owned in the last three months, only to fight and argue so much that one day he to,d me that if I didn’t take the kids to my dads in (name of city edited for her protection) that he wouldn’t come home. So I did, I wanted to give him his time and let him try to save money so we could one back in a month or so. It was a “vacation” he told my daughter. Well, I missed him so badly and started suspecting something when he started going to the bar every night. Soon he started ignoring my calls and not returning texts, getting extremely mad when I questioned his whereabouts. He kept telling me he would end it if I kept it up. I just pulled more. I needed him. I was pregnant and couldn’t tell my dad why I was throwing up everyday. Finally I convinced him that it would be best for him to come here, we’d get some help from my dad, and get on our feet, a fresh start. Well one day he asked me to apply for jobs and I needed to log into his email. Well, I found responses to ads on Craigslist for a one night stand, workout partner, etc. I forgave him but that night he again was at the bar, I called and called for four days, and eventually gt so mad that I told him I couldn’t take this I needed to know what was going on. He admitted that he was seeing someone else. Last night he told me that she was more woman than me in every way. He accidentally sent me a text “I wish I could lie you down and show you how real love is made” ….my heart sped up, did he want me back? No, he sent me one right after saying it wasn’t for me, and some more hurtful words. I don’t know what to do, I love him so much. I know I can nag and be bossy and there were things he didnt love about me, but how could he forget everything we’d been through? Birth of our baby, he will miss he birthday, her first Christmas, all because…..I just don’t know. I just want to go home and sleep next to my husband, but it sickens me that he’s with someone else. I am homesick beyond belief, even contemplated using my dads gun to end my life. But I love my kids and I promised to never leave them. I am in such depression, don’t see a light at the end of this tunnel, especially living in this place I hate. I’m so lost, I need God.