Conformity – it’s what I did when I was with him.
Unity – it’s what I longed for.
Growing up, life was all about doing what was expected, doing the right thing, and we were taught to not question. I don’t blame anyone. It’s just the way it was.
I was taught to obey.
I brought that into my marriage.
And so, when big decisions were made and I was not allowed a say, I was hurt but didn’t speak up too much. When I tried, it didn’t matter.
I always lost in big things.
He decided what car we would drive.
He decided whether we would buy or build our home.
He decided what kind of home we would build.
He decided where we would build that home.
He decided what loans we would have.
He decided he would work so I could not.
It wasn’t until the end of the marriage that I began to speak up, and speak up I did, and I made mistakes in that speaking up. Maybe that’s why he left. Maybe he was looking for someone with no voice, someone to do what he wanted,
But I was learning I had value beyond his reach
and with that value came voice
and with that voice came risk
and with that risk came some mistakes.
Conformity – it’s what I did when I was with him, conforming to his wishes.
Unity – it’s what I longed for, but unity is never achieved through the control of conformity.
We are called to be better than that. We are called to be unique and special.
But you are “a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people of his own, so that you may announce the praises” of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light.
I bring lessons of my past into the future my children will inherit; I must be extra careful to not raise my children to be conformers but to think for themselves and to act in a way that reflects the Love of the Lord.
That can be hard to do. It means watching them take falls and make decisions I disagree with, but if they are allowed to fall over little things, they will learn more than if I force them to conform to my way.
And they will know their true value, they will know they are part of, “a chosen race,” chosen not by skin color, dialect, or location, but chosen by the power of the holy Spirit, chosen for greatness.
When my life is still so out of control, the idea of loosening the hold I have on my children can be terrifying, but I let them go so one day, we can be truly unified as the chosen race.
Your Turn To Share:
When did you conform to something you shouldn’t have? How did that experience affect you?
How do you let your children take control rather than trying to make them conform to your hopes, dreams, expectations?
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