It is normal to experience an incredible amount of self doubt when going through divorce. In divorce, so much about who you thought you were has changed. You are no longer half a team. Financially, you may not be able to enjoy activities you once did. Even friendships change. You may have to return to work after an absence, change jobs, or find a new job. You may be forced to move to a new home in a new area. You may want to move but be held prisoner by a controlling ex and an unsympathetic and biased court system. You may only be allowed to parent part time and you may miss your children terribly.
With so many changes and so many questions and so few answers, how can you not experience some degree of self doubt in divorce? I am not sure not experiencing doubt is a possibility; however, there are two types of self doubt and knowing which you are experiencing at any given moment can help move you along the right path, God’s path.
Negative Self Doubt:
While self doubt is normal, that is not what you were meant to feel long term. God made you for greatness. He wants to give you the best, and only He knows what that is according to His plans. If you are following His teachings, inviting His Biblical and Catechetical guidance, and keeping His Commandments, you have no reason to doubt yourself.
If you are doubting in this case, you are not really doubting yourself but doubting God’s ability to use you for good. You are allowing self doubt to question whether you can fulfill God’s design for you. You worry that you do not have the power to act upon God’s wishes and follow the right path.
In truth, you do not not have this power.
Fortunately, God does.
God does have all the power and strength and knowledge and everything else you will need to carry out His plans. He freely gives all you need when you ask and they are needed to achieve God’s purpose. You can achieve all good things with God’s abilities; you can achieve no good thing with your own.
To have self doubt because you think you cannot do what God calls you to do is not to doubt yourself but to doubt God. This is self doubt caused by the devil; it is negative and sinful and leaves those experiencing it sinking further and further from the Light, which is just what evil wants.
This doubt is not your failing, but it is your responsibility.
Fortunately, with God’s help, even doubt in God is no match for Satan. You can be set free from negative self-doubt just as surely as you can be set free from other evils.
Positive Self Doubt:
If, on the other hand, you have been living sinfully or contemplating sin (not just through physical issues such as theft or destruction of property, but through emotionally and spiritual issues such as anger, revenge, and hatred) your actions should inspire self doubt.
In these cases, self doubt is much like the body’s response to a hot stove. When one’s hand touches the hot stove, it quickly pulls back and the person rethinks whether or not he wants to touch that stove again.
Self doubt resulting from sinful thoughts or actions should likewise make one want to pull back and reevaluate those sinful thoughts and actions. In this case, self doubt is a gift from God. He is telling you to stop the wrongdoings in your life and follow Him along the right path.
You must ask yourself why you are experiencing self doubt, pledge to change, and then take a stand for what is right. You must tell Satan to get out of your life and you must thank God for showing you His right path. You can defeat self doubt even in the worst situations because you are Loved by the Creator and have all of His power available to you when you need it to fulfill your plan and ask Him for it.
Only you can know and only you can decide what type of self doubt you are experiencing. It takes practice and varies from situation to situation so don’t delay examining your own unique feelings of self doubt.
But he should ask in faith, not doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed about by the wind.
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