I had wanted to write about the feast of the Immaculate Conception today, but just discovered I will be substitute teaching tomorrow. I have not taught in an actual classroom, other than my SAT prep, in ten and a half years and have not subbed in longer than that. You could say I am a bit nervous. Add to that, this is the school where my kids go and I don’t want to do anything to embarrass them (they’ve had enough heartache already) but I have to be firm at the same time. That can be tough.
Besides actually teaching, I have a million and one other things I’m worried about.
I was out all day today. We began the day with Mass which is never a peace-inducing as it sounds with an active two year old and an eight year old who fights going like taking him to have his arms ripped out. Fred had a dentist appointment and the closest dentist our insurance covers is a good 45 minutes away. They were backed up so I was late for work. After work, Troy needed a ride to basketball practice, I made mac and cheese from a box (I am a hero!), and then ran out to Matt’s band concert stopping at his CYO practice to let them know he wouldn’t be able to make it.
There are other things I did too, but details weigh us down. The point is…I had a lot going on and my house is a mess which is not like me – well not if I can help it anyway.
In anticipation of this job tomorrow, I dropped the boys off while I ran to the store down the street to buy eat-on-the-go items like Pop Tarts. I had asked them to clean up their stuff and shower while I was gone, but when I got inside I had a nasty surprise waiting for me.
Not only had they not showered or done anything to clean up, but they let the baby take himself to the bathroom. No one was watching him! When he was done he dumped his poop (sorry for being so graphic) in the “big potty” except that someone had already clogged the big potty earlier (I spent over 30 minutes working on that this morning too). The big potty overflowed and the mess was something I cannot describe. I yelled and then cried and then cleaned and cried some more. Sometimes it’s okay to get a little angry.
I accepted this job substitute teaching high school tomorrow and just got the last little one to sleep a few minutes ago, but I can’t fall asleep. I keep thinking that:
- I have to be up by 5 at the latest tomorrow.
- I have to get 5 kids up by 6.
- I have to get 5 kids out the door no later than 6:30 (I bolded that for my own benefit. I cannot be late!).
- I have to make breakfasts for all 5 and lunches for Kaleb and me.
- Fred has a test I and I hardly helped him study for it.
- I will get paid $90 for the day
- I will pay daycare $10 each plus registration for Fred and Noah and $45 to $90/day for Kaleb.
- I just spent $40 buying fast food groceries – Pop Tarts, salad (I am getting huge!), crackers, etc that we can eat if we are running late. At this point nutritional content is not high on my list of concerns.
- I won’t have much time to work on my websites which is really what I’d really like to concentrate on.
- Troy, Matt, and Noah all really need me to just be a mom for a while.
- I am exhausted.
The kids have asked me why I have to sub. They don’t want to get up early and don’t want me to not be home for them. I think it’s the loss of the idea that mom is only a phone call away if they need anything. I try to reassure them that I will be nearby and can still get them if they get sick or hurt, but I can think of no really good reason to tell them when they ask why I really need to substitute teach except that it will help me build a resume that will lead to a better job someday.
They have not asked me if it is worth it.
For that I am glad. I have no answer.